I know everyone complains about being called on for jury duty, but on my glorious years on this Earth, I've never been called. I'm jealous. Nice song. Reminds me of Jeff Buckley in some old school kinda way.

David Hasselhoff and Eric Cartman's mom must be the most happy American's tonight.

I'm hoping he just retires. And goes to play Cricket in India. And stars in Bollywood films. Then, we would have ESPN India and TMZ India.

So....he's Yasiel Puig minus the plate presence?

Pitbull's marketing team just shit a Roomba.

I can't believe this shit.

People that don't like pickles can go off themselves. Mayonnaise? I get it. But, pickles? You're not human.

Mrs. Dancing Tony is a saint. You understand me? Mrs. Dancing Tony is a saint.

Love ya Samer.

Al Czervik just rolled over in his grave.

OMG, GUYS! BRUCE AND LARRY AND STEVE. HOLLA! HOPE TO SEE YOU AT STEVE'S. U. S. A.! OMG!

Welp, he obviously seems to know something. Eyes on your forehead beat out the eyes on the back of your head.

One time, back in '90 I was trying to leave a demolition derby. There was this guy- I'll call him Steve. Could have been Gary or Larry. Not sure. Don't really care at this point. He said to not be one of the masses. I take that insight-fulness to this day.

I'm on a Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown Netflix binge. IMO, it's done pretty well. Check it. Cheers!

You must be starving because that "bowl" of Guac was the most despicable looking bowl of anything I've ever seen. Godspeed sir.

Who knew showing "monstrous fingers" out of your ass could culminate in a sexy time.

Desperate Edward Penishands really can't hold back after all these years.

You obviously spent more time reading your mother and father's Joy of Sex books vs. Joy of Cooking. Good Day.

Holy shit. I know this guy. Just kidding!

DING...DING...DING!