Wonderful white drunks! The best!

Unlike the mothers of those racist SAE frat bros, Butler Blue's mom was actually disgusted to hear about the nasty stuff coming out of her son's mouth.

SOMEBODY ALREADY MADE THAT JOKE

The NFL is in the business of using people to make money, so it only makes sense that they would use HER2.

Hmm... looks like 24 pale ales and one porter.

That's an iPhone 6+, so the dog is actually like 3 feet tall.

Hopefully he said something cool while he did it, like, "that is some kick ass pizza!" or, "What's on that? Bell pepper?! I hardly knew 'er!" or maybe, "I'm a grown man willing to risk millions of dollars just to fight a guy over a parking space so clearly I have serious issues I'm sorry I'm doing this to you!"

Hey, buddy, I can't believe you put this rod in my head! I medulla oblongata kick your ass for that! Huh? Cerebrum? I hardly knew 'em! No, but seriously, yes this is in my brain.

Not sure this is what MLB meant when they said they wanted players to stop chewing.

Given that they were hanging out on Abbey Road, I'm not surprised that the two of them would "Come Together" in a fight. And also not surprised that one of them actually died in a car accident and is being impersonated, I mean, if you look at the pictures you can see the symbolism plus if you read the report…

A few WEEKS? Why have you just been sitting on the tip so long, Samer? You're even worse than my ex-girlfriend. Hey-oooo!!!!

The NFL should have done more with the information it had, and should have taken additional steps to obtain all available information about the February 15 incident. I mean, more like Roger BADell, amirite???

"I've always been straight edge. Like, I mean as straight as the surface of a mirror."

Important lesson: if you're the sidekick for a knife thrower, make sure the dude's degree ain't from Chuck Knoblauch's School o' Knife Chuckin'.

I think most people in Jersey would definitely say that Christie is pandering, because he's starting to look more like one everyday.

Well, I guess it wasn't the football that fucked up his vision after all...

I hope it's mom's job to teach their daughter how to use a tampon.

How weird. This guy specializes in communications, but can't find a way to tell Aaron Rodgers that he HATES people touching his beard.

He write good. Hope he keep writing good. Know he'll keep writing good.

Shot on the chest and abdomen? So embarrassing to get arrested with jizz all over yourself.