Kinda sounds like Tom's mom is actually talking about her son. Maybe TOM is the one who grew up and has become his own man. Seems like she's having a little trouble dealing with that.

I met a traveller from an antique land

[logs on to deadspin.com from secret building in Djibouti]

Hoo boy, looks like you guys made a zamboner!

Gee, for a guy with so many boats, he sure was way under water!!!

"He's just trying to remember his glory days at Florida. That's why he got those allegations."

Ha! +1

Three teams for the women, but only two for the men? This is a clear violation of Title Nine, Jr., Dartmouth.

Kohnke must have been a pretty strong dude if he was able to push McCaskey over. Either that or the Chairman didn't have all four legs firmly planted on the ground.

Good way for Apple to get buzz going about FaceTime again. They lost some ground to Google when the last big celebrity suicide was a Hangout.

It didn't.

Unfortunately for Mario, the ban he has to face is the Taliban.

I am an idiot.

Honestly surprised about this mascot. With the games being in Brazil, I'd expect a hairless cat.

We're lucky there's no sound on this. Every time that god damn panda rolls down the hill, you can see it mouthing, "global warming my ass, amirite???"

Of course, now that Cosby has been accused of all these crimes, they show a picture of him dressed like a "thug" with a hooded sweatshirt and making some sort of weird "gang sign" with his eyes. Typical media sensationalism.

Oh, really? His parents spent all his money? Well how much were those anti-gravity skates he's wearing in the picture? Bet those cost a damn fortune.

The Wine, Women, and Football event is a great annual event in Denver. It's got a long-running history and is really popular. But, due to a lawsuit, next year they're changing the name to Wine, Women, and Entertainment. And, like, no one will ever mention the name change. It'll just be like that was always the name.…

"Hi, is this Jason? Yeah, uhh... is your refrigerator running? It is? Well, you better go catch it! I'm just kidding, I know you'll catch it, your UZR/150 was 20.5 last season, anyway hi this is Adam Wainwright."

Since Mike Wise is actually a dumb idiot, Whitlock should change his name to Jason Notfat.