Did we get the whole statement? Is it possible he might be practicing being a better person?

McIlroy went about this all wrong. He hit 55, but didn't take advantage of the early-birdie specials, and it cost him $10 million.

This is really disappointing. Baseball is America's game, after all. It should be 1,776 people getting injured every year.

This is nothing! I once suffered a really bad fall off of a Segway when I

Saw you explain this on twitter, so +1.

Well at least now I know that LeSean McCoy wouldn't fit in with my group of friends. We would've tipped $7.44, put it on twitter, and then giggled about it for three days.

Pretty sad that the kid actually playing football is the only one not carrying.

So much guilt here. Must be a white pizza.

(He is a Blue Jay, which is a bird. Birds have white poop.)

Sorry, Tom, but you're wrong. If you look closely, you can see the big white spot from where he pooped his pants.

Unless it's on Sabathia's jersey. Then it stands for Corpulent.

Wow. Who knew that Jeter's biggest intangible of all was actually the baseball itself.

"Alright, so welcome to UConn football. I'm your new mentor, Casey Cochran. First things first: If you get hurt, NEVER tell coach about it."

I hope he at least said something awesome before he started swinging. I'd have gone with: "the rain of pain falls mainly on your face, mother fucker."

I tell you what: Stephen A. Smith looks like a real asshole today. And he looks even worse after having watched the video.

I once fed a raccoon a pop tart while sitting at a bus stop. The dude just took pieces of it from my hand. That was a chill ass raccoon.

"The Onlinerman" is also the title of part one of the upcoming Robert Downey Jr. biopic.

MY SISTER MAKES $3,600 A WEEK WORKING FROM HOME MY OTHER SISTER MAKES $138 A WEEK DANCING AT FOOTBALL GAMES MESSAGE ME FOR DETAILS ON HOW YOU CAN GET STARTED

Ahh, young love. Why, I remember the first time my then-girlfriend - now beloved bride - and I found jacuzzis. We were on a romantic stroll through Pasadena when we came upon jacuzzis, and we were all like, "what the fuck? What kind of asshole leaves jacuzzis on the sidewalk? This neighborhood has gone to shit. Let's…

OH MAN I THOUGHT PAM OLIVER WAS STAYING AT FOX FOR 1 MORE YEAR GOOD TO SEE HER LAND A JOB AT CNN SO QUICK THO