Jeez. I thought Pam was for preventing sticky situations.

Johnny wanted to know what it was like to be a real Browns quarterback, so he went out and got Beats.

This is a great move by the NFL. The current system is clearly broken, and, I mean, SOMETHING has got to change if even gritty white guys are being suspended.

This is a nice step forward. Now there will be two reasons the Daily News isn't red and white and black all over.

Let this be a lesson to you, would-be hecklers. Telling the team that you want a pitcher and not a belly itcher is letting them know exactly how to ruin your day.

Hey, man. They don't call it the Windy City for nothing. Those things is flapping all over the damn place.

"They should call it Cementland instead, AMIRITE??? Because, you know... they cut down all the oak trees. To make room for the stadium and the city. Get it???"

Host: Amsinger!

Maybe Fisher is on to something with his thought that Anderson wanted to know if Sam was cut. But, unfortunately, he waits and showers after everyone, so nobody knows whether or not he's circumcised.

Unfortunately, due to his poor financial planning, Gordon will now spend the whole season imitating Johnny Manziel's money gesture while laying on a sidewalk in downtown Cleveland.

Pretty good dodge by Beltre, but I've repeatedly foiled attempts to touch my head because BUSH DID 9/11 WATCH THE VIDEO JET FUEL DOESN'T BURN HOT ENOUGH TO MELT STEEL.

+1

Pete still can't believe he suckered a guy into offering 7/5 odds that little Jeremy would grow up to be a huge turd.

+1

Kind of ironic that his nephew was the one drowning, but Josh is the one that sank to the bottom of the depth chart.

"Hey, guys! Check out my impression of Tejay's 2014 Tour de France!"

I know that they're kind of hurting for sponsorship, but maybe making a deal with Honey Nut Cheerios was a mistake.

Also making peers look foolish with his handle: me. :(

I was at the game. This isn't even the worst of it. The kid was running around like a damn maniac. Bryce Harper even tried to catch her. I heard he'll be out 4-6 weeks.

Actually, Timothy, I had not heard that joke. Maybe you need to take a closer look at the kind of people you've been hanging out with.