Nice to see these fans get a taste of their own medicine. I mean, every fucking time I go to an A's game, there's some annoying DB who won't shut up while I'm trying to watch.

This is not fair at all. Unfortunately, I can't declare bankruptcy after purchasing a ridiculous amount of alcohol, because I did it with money from student loans.

+1

Who fucking cares? The guy can't read, but he gets to be friends with Justin Bieber, so I think he wins.

Man, who knew so many college football fans were members of the ELF?

Splitting 16 carries between the two of them is fitting, because they also both had 8 balls after the game.

I have a feeling police will give the homeowner the benefit of the doubt here, because one of the guys sounds like he might not be white.

Of course, hip-hop artists, they come and go. They come and go. But I'm still here.

It seeks unspecified money damages.

Well, at least the people of Prescott now have a great source of cheap ice for the ice bucket challenge.

"No, I'm sorry, Mr. Updyke, you're going in the DUNK tank. We don't need to strip search you. No, Mr. Updyke, please put your clothes back on. No, I don't want to look in your ass, Mr. Updyke."

This little jerk deserved that. He only put the bucket on his head so he could walk up to chicks and say, "hey, look! I'm a butterface, just like you!"

I like the way the period is one space away from the last letter. Really drives the joke home. +1

I TOLD them it was a bad idea to carve the statue out of onions.

This could be a great step forward for society as a whole. If Mo'ne continues to succeed in baseball, men might not be so devastated when they hear the words, "congratulations, it's a girl."

You guys left out the scariest part: when Schilling was standing in the waiting room on his first day of treatment and he overheard a lady say that she hadn't been to the doctor in years because she couldn't afford health insurance. But now, thanks to Obamacare, she's getting the treatment she needs. Can't say I blame…

This is why I follow Stacy and Clinton's rules: invest in high quality pieces, and have a great tailor.

Boy, this is like every time I have sex. Awkwardly trying to get it in for three minutes before giving up, and also being secretly recorded from across the street I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED JOHN YOU'RE UNDER A COURT ORDER GOD DAMMIT!

I can't really fault Steve for thinking this way. It's just in his nature. It would be more obvious, but his family shortened their last name when they came to America because the locals had trouble pronouncing Patyourselfonthebackerson.

This painting will eventually sell for a fortune. After all, it's an original Muttisse.