This dude's gonna be seriously bummed out someday if he has to move to another city when his company gives him a promotion or someth- oh, wait, never mind.

Looks like he also tattooed hair on his back to represent the women of Pittsburgh.

+1

In bodybuilding, that pose is called "most muscular." Which is kind of fitting, because Joe West looks like the umpire with the most muscular dystrophy.

After this error, the Rockies have decided to replace him with Matt Palmer III. He's not quite CD-quality, but he's much less likely to fuck up while trying to run.

That's nothing. Bartolo Colon throws away seven tubs of dip everyday. Now, they're empty and have had every last bit of queso scraped out of them, but he recycles, and it's important to look at the positives here.

When asked about the Heat, fans responded, "no, no, it's the humidity that's the problem."

Great job done here by Shane McNulty, hurrying the quarterback and causing the bad pass that was picked off. Also a good job by other Shane McNulty, putting the hit on the player pursuing the ball. And an awesome job by the other Shane McNulty, picking off the ball and hustling 93 yards for the touchdown.

Lucky for the fans that made the trip to Brazil. Not only did they get to see a World Cup match, but they also got to see a little illegal chicken fighting.

John Kruk: [reads story]

"I wish he would have taken more money to play somewhere else so I wouldn't have to live in fucking San Antonio."

This story is actually kind of a bummer. Turns out, the dude is terminally ill and doesn't think he'll live to see the Lions win the Super Bowl, so he wanted to get this tatted on him to keep up hope. Unfortunately, he's got "perfectly healthy 28 year-old man with a normal life expectancy" disease, so he's probably…

Notice that the man in white lifts a flag immediately before the boy falls. Is this a signal to slightly raise the bar and destroy McCarthy's chances of winning the race?

Deadspin is sooooooooooo racist against white people I mean how come you didn't write about Lonnie Chisenhall's great game the other day or anything???

I actually live in the same town as this guy, and this is just a money making scam, kind of how homeless people come up to your car and wash your windows without you asking for it, just to guilt you into giving them some money. This dude drives around town and just parks in front of you while it's raining, then says…

Surprised this is a Hanes Tagless T-shirt, to be honest. This really seems like American Apparel.

This is a pretty normal part of the process, actually, When you've been with someone for 10 years, and it's true love, and then it all falls apart, you're gonna go out and shove your fist in some nameless newer models. It's just human nature.

Not surprising that Cabrera won. Parts of his body were extremely slippery after reading Gabe Kapler's website.

Coconut oil is such an amazing lubricant that it can make you forget you're jerking off with food.

He learned everything he knows about video games from his teammate, Bartolo Colon, who is a master at Burger Time.