GOD DAMMIT. I did that one time. There is no such thing as a "StuartScottsEye thing."

Same here, man. I'm 26 and have a ridiculously screwed up back. Sorry I have to lay on the floor sometimes, people. Leave me alone.

I'm very late on this. But this is hilarious. +1

"Look, dude, this isn't exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to go to Man City, be handcuffed, and surrounded by poles, but I guess it's too late to back out now."

I can't count the number of times I've had that dream. It's got me paranoid that if I ever need to fight, I will absolutely get the shit kicked out of me.

I had a recurring dream for years from the time I was probably 8 to 15 or so. It happened every couple of months, and sometimes the dream would last two or three days, picking up where it had left off the night before. But every single time, my family would be out somewhere, and there were guys in suits watching us.…

Jonathan did this all wrong. Who the fuck takes the sock off right before they spurt?

Tim's record doesn't match his rhetoric. He speaks like a true conservative, but why did he spend a year in Sweden, hanging out with the liberal Elite?

Stanley's collapse was pretty tame given the circumstances. Last time I played golf sponsored by Century Club I woke up in the hospital stuck to a ball washer.

I thought that was common guy code. You didn't know that?

As a guy who dated a girl who was pretty much the shittiest person in the world, I don't think any amount of ball busting on your part is gonna get him to change his mind about her. It certainly didn't change mine. Plus, if she's the type to do GGW type stuff, he's probably having a good time, which is fine so long as…

What the fuck is hilarious about statutory rape? That is disgusting. I hope he goes to jail, and they call him Brennan the Bitch with the Busted Butthole.

This is Kris. A short time ago he was left all alone in this world. Life is a daily struggle for him to find food and fresh water. He is constantly called "a sucker," "a loser," and "gay." For just pennies a day, you can support Kris by attending New Jersey Nets games and yelling nice things at him.

Man, things have changed. Nowadays, "I didn't have to use my AK" means that Ice had such a good round, he didn't even have to call up Anthony Kim for golf tips.

.

It's insanely good. He's had some issues over the past two years or so and new strips are pretty rare and really weird when they do show up. But there's a good six or seven years of absolutely hilarious strips in there, and tons of other funny stuff. I can't recommend it highly enough.

THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

You couldn't be more wrong. They are different cats, looking in opposite directions. Mine is named Roast Beef, his is named Ray.

I'm with you, man. I've always thought bats are totally awesome. Maybe that's because I don't live in an area where they come inside or anything. But I've always been amazed by everything about them. Plus, this guy is basically a small dog with wings.

I definitely felt like he was in on it. He was calling Colbert an idiot and (I think) joking around with him the whole time. Had me laughing my ass off.