Did anybody catch Maurice Sendak on Colbert the past two nights? I've never read "Where the Wild Things Are" or any of his other books, but god dammit, he is one funny old man. If you missed it, I highly highly highly recommend going back and watching those segments.

And then the bigger time comes calling, at the most inopportune time.

I was once stuck on the train with someone who decided it would be cool to change their baby's diaper on the seat. Hello, you are underground in a fucking enclosed metal tube with 100 other people. Do not put massive amounts of shit particles into the air, asshole.

Man, I love ironing. I hate the shit out of folding clothes, so I usually have to iron my shirts everyday before work. It's a calming, zen kind of ritual, the same way shaving is when you're not in a rush.

Yeah, but are there a bunch of websites where you can submit pictures of your platinum card and look like a douchebag all over the internet? I don't think so. That's worth $2000 to me.

Chores You Hate

Why stop at Platinum? Just get a black card, dude. That's what I did. Life is way better now.

Also destined to be 8-8? Everything in the Detroit Tigers clubhouse.

"The Patriots may not be looking for Revenge, but if you are, you can find it Wednesday nights at 10, 9 central, only on ABC!"

Dicking around with the puck is one of my favorite moves from the great new show Puppetry of the Penis: On Ice!

Not to get too personal here, but this is definitely not my first encounter with a flying pussy Nightmare.

The worst part is when your kid comes out of the ball pit looking like that and he hasn't even eaten the cake yet.

+1

You really think that? I know I never would have stayed on Deadspin if not for the comments. With the exception of a few select stories, Deadspin doesn't really offer sports news you can't get anywhere else. Not to diminish the contributions of the writers here, but there are a shit ton of sports blogs out there, with…

That shit's happened to me about a half dozen times. It cuts anything over a certain amount of characters, not just hashtags. Has robbed me of some awesome jokes.

Every time I see her, I think, "wow, Michelle Obama has really let herself go."

Okay, never mind. I made two good jokes and four or five shitty ones.

At least you were smart enough to not post them. I threw a ton of shit out there today (like every other day).

Lucky for me, my boss already celebrates Axl Rose's birthday as though it were a national holiday, so I'm good to go this year.

Also officially firing Joe Paterno? Mark D. Heintzelman Funeral and Cremation Services - State College, Pennsylvania.