It's not that surprising. They're both part of a Big Three.

I knew I still had to get some alcohol in her so she could loosen up

[that's too much]

I haven't seen a stroke that ugly since New Year's Eve.

This column is one of the few things in Lamar's life that isn't sugar-coated.

Damn, that sounds awesome. Will definitely make the list at my next party.

Hey, but he likes you sometimes! At least be grateful for that and hop on it, lady.

What's up with fancy cocktails? They're awesome, but they're also like eighteen dollars. That's a fucking lot of money.

I also wanted to praise him (like I should).

No snark from me this time: that is seriously so fucking funny.

Don't worry about Verlander's diet. He's great at preventing runs.

This is way better than Brian Wilson's Taco Bell endorsement. Although I've gotta admit, the way they were able to replicate the "Good Vibrations" theremin intro using a microphone inside of a toilet was pretty cool.

Given the weekend coming up, maybe Deadspin shouldn't be posting stories about other people taking shots at the expense of a King.

This is a surprising move from Selig. Things got pretty messy the last time a Budd was offered a contract for life.

There's two dates out there right now but which one I'm not sure.

That's how I feel too. But I think the US Soccer and MLS guys think that people are saying that, and want to keep Donovan here for that reason.

It's a weird situation. I mean, he's America's biggest soccer star. So, is it better for US soccer for him to be playing in MLS, or would it be better if he were in the Premier League? I think the argument for keeping him in MLS is strong, if you're getting more people out to the games because they know who he is and…

This is where I got stuck in learning to play piano. I could not for the life of me make my hands do two different things. I played guitar for about ten years, but could never play and sing, because my brain can't process the two different things going on at the same time. I'm amazed that anyone can do either of those…

For a really busy guy, you sure have a lot of fucking time on your hands.

This is what I tell people all the time: throw away the scale for the first 12 weeks. Seriously. It will only discourage you. If you start lifting, you'll be gaining muscle and therefore gaining weight, so you'll probably stay stagnant for a while. Pay more attention to the way you look and feel, and you're more…