“I'm sick of these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane" will always be the king.

Because religion. Probably.

When Vince McMahon’s limousine blew up on Monday Night Raw Trump called the offices to check up on Vince to know if he was injured or dead.

a third-rate Comic-Con

“Limited Edition” = limited to the number of people who will give him $99.

Now they know how the Carolina Panthers feel.

He called us slurs!

Uh, excuse me, Samer, but “Gronk Lite” is actually the high-intensity illumination device used to draw Gronk to parties, much like a bug zapper, except with far, far more cans of Busch Light built into it.

No he's not. Trent Dilfer is the Ryan Leaf of color commentary. The Trent Dilfer of color commentary is someone like Brian Billick, who just won't make things worse. That's how Dilfer "won" the Super Bowl. He just didn't make things worse.

Me for weeks: “Show me the stump! I want to see that stump! How many fingers does he have left? I have got to see this thing.”

How dare you, he’s one of the leagues top 3b!

For the record, I follow neither of these teams and didn’t even know who Kyle Seager was until just now (i.e. I still don’t know him), but he just looks like the kind of guy you want to hit.

I’m a Patriots fan, and have generally chosen to not engage anyone one Ballghazi. Not worth it, no matter how much I am goaded, because I know it’s all not a big deal. But now...now this feels like the biggest fucking letdown. My friends already think I condone cheating...but an enthusiastic Trump supporter? Damn.

Tom Brady will miss next start for failing concussion protocol.

“there’s no evidence to support the perception he intended to create alarm.”

I find the unrelenting passage of time to be alarming as well so I’m going to have to side with the police on this one.

his kids might be

Just change it to the Fighting Sue and have your mascot dress up like Johnny Cash. Damn that was easy...

dammit

2. when these showed up in Deadspin’s chatroom, someone at the office shouted, “YOOOOOO, THUMB DEAD?