I hope you wake up tomorrow and your underwear looks like that.

You need help.

I had a similar experience to that too. Cruising down the highway, and a wasp got partially sucked into the window, hit the b-pillar head-on, and bounced into my lap. Freaked me out for a moment until I realized it had died from the impact. Or so I thought... until about 15 seconds later it started moving around. *cue…

Fuck. You.

I really hate spiders.

But you tell me if that’s not the worst possible driving scenario you can imagine in your head.

I drove a hand-me-down 1998 Subaru Outback for the first 8 years of my driving life. A car with 280,000 miles. That poor thing did everything I asked of it - even autocross. When I turned 24, I finally got myself a brand new BRZ. You’d think, as a car nut, that I would say, “Boy! I wish I could have had the BRZ from…

I’m from NJ... but nope. Illinois.

I was 24 when I was shopping for a new BRZ. The first dealership I went to was so frustratingly uninterested in selling me one, it was almost comical. The salesman (some 60-year-old guy) had the worst attitude. The “test drive” consisted of a loop around the square block where I never exceeded 25 MPH, and which only…

So much this. I could barely hear my own horn when I honked it on the highway, lol... and my BRZ has, like, no sound deadening.

Most “dad stories” sound like things that would get you arrested today... because they would. But I’ve learned to accept that back in the day, people weren’t so uptight, and you could get away with a LOT more shenanigans without winding up plastered and defamed all over social media. Some of my dad’s stories are…

That’s how my setup is. Sometimes you need a friendly honk, or sometimes your car has to go for an alignment or something, and you don’t want them to blow the train horns as they’re pulling into the shop, lol.

Lol. Soooo... funny you should mention that. I may have installed four PA speakers under the hood of my old Outback, after I got them from a yard sale... and I may have hooked them up to an amplifier, which was then hooked into a hand-held microphone, and a PDA with all sorts of sound effects pre-loaded.

Talking at…

Overhead gear selector buttons? Sold.

I guess I'm in the minority, then!

I mean... what about all of us buying new cars for the long haul? It's not like that demographic doesn't exist!

Jesus christ. A million photos of the front end, and not a single photo of the rear!

Alternate Title Ideas:

“How to Keep Your Keyless Entry Car from Getting Stolen”

“How to Enable the Extra Security Features Tesla Offers that Most Other Manufacturers Don’t”

Lol. It depends on who you ask. In my experience, people either think it’s awesome/hilarious, or think it’s completely stupid, and that I must be a road-raging idiot/asshole.

That was kind of my issue. At speed, on the highway, I almost can’t hear my own horn, lol. And my car has, like, no sound-deadening (well, it has a bit more now, but yeah.)