Jumanji: Mr. Brownstone, in which kids get sucked into a heroin den and try desperately to escape. Still has a lot of CGI animals.

That’s an odd handle to have on the roof of a mustang.

“my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis”

My least favorite commercial is a 1000-way tie between all prescription drug commercials, especially the ones featuring neighbors discussing medical symptoms in intimate detail.

Exactly! Find the people who made this commercial, encase them in a block of cement with Ajit Pai, and offload them in the middle of the fucking ocean. The Arctic Ocean at that. No one will ever bother to recover their remains then.

GO REDHAWKS!

The same reason they use their real names on Facebook to post “all n****rs should hang” on the comment sections of newspaper articles and then are stunned and horrified when they get fired from their government jobs: because they’re fucking idiots.

I love how he started deleting them one at a time and then realized his entire Twitter life consists of interactions with escorts and porn stars.

Jesus hung out with a hooker and no one made him delete his twitter.

I kind of enjoy watching the Army-Navy game because many of the offensive plays that are run look like they were run in 1893.

This is why I hate “The South” - I don’t blame people for the mistakes of their ancestors, but I sure as hell blame people if they are PROUD of the misdeeds of their ancestors.

Jesus, I wish my ancestors were deserters. That would be a hell of a lot less embarrassing than the diehard confederate partisans that their stupid asses were. They didn’t even own any slaves! Not because they were decent human beings; they were garbage people. They were just too poor to afford any. Aspirational…

Where in reality Confederate deserter were the only confederates with a lick of sense. Basically it was a war to protect the “property” of your big argo competitor, who when he did not need you to fight his wars for him, was really interested in keeping you a substance dirt farmer. I say three cheers for the…

Everybody from the Deep South pretends like they’re descended from genteel benevolent plantation owners who treated their slaves so well that they didn’t want to stop being slaves, when in reality most of them are descended from degenerate convicts, serial debtors, and literal dirt farmers all too poor to have ever…

Wrong. Philly fans are almost as insufferable as Boston fans and they’ve never fucking won anything in the past 30 years, besides one world series. If Philly teams had anywhere near the success of Boston teams, we’d have to nuke Philly to shut them up.

I think they also spent a lot of time in the run up to the election trying to explain the fact that Clinton having a 70% chance of winning doesn’t mean 100%.

The chances of flipping a coin twice and getting heads both times were lower than the chances that Hillary would lose—and flipping a coin twice and getting heads both times is not some rare event. You definitely wouldn’t bet your life that someone wouldn’t get two heads in a row.

“FiveThirtyEight, well those NERDY BLOG NERDS blew the fucking election now, didn’t they?”

That’s how we know there’s no aliens hidden in Area 51. That shit would have been on Twitter by January 21.

And you and I both know that they’re gonna send that Constitution-ignoring child molester to the Senate next week. There’s zero reason to doubt it.