So it’s Iowa vs Iowa St. then? Vodka Samm is right there.

That’s not quite how 538's model works. Yes, they had Hillary having a higher probability of winning than Trump, but they also gave Trump the highest probability of winning than any other outlet.

Forbes also likes to put out the “Fictional 15,” which purports to rank the richest 15 fictional characters. Calling it horseshit is an insult to manure. I’m 99% certain they just throw a dart at a number board to “approximate” the wealth, when there are plenty of sources to actually figure out how much they’re worth.…

Go to better restaurants.

I want to see them lose their home because they go bankrupt from medical bills. It’s time to make trump voters pay. Fuck those racist pieces of shit.

Don’t forget we east coast liberal elites need to show more empathy for these people.

If it makes you feel any better, just remember that this is what their lives have come to. Look at these people for what they are. Old, angry, most likely forced into retiring early, and ignorant. They’ll never change. This is what the rest of their miserable lives will look like. The two of them, sitting around,…

The story’s author takes us into the living room of Johnstown resident Pam Schilling, a 60-year-old retiree who is already keyed up to vote for Trump in 2020:

My first honeymoon started out as a disaster (and the fact I called it my first honeymoon tells you how the marriage turned out).

I have this randomly. Every once in a while I stand up, something unkinks and I have to add a short pee coda.

We’ve had decent luck with the totally sane folks at Screamin’ Sicilian and you get a free moustache out of the deal too. 

What the fuck dude? The toilet is right there. Just pee into the toilet. How the fuck do you get piss on your pants when you’re peeing sitting down? In your buttcrack? I don’t believe this for a second. Is your dick shaped like a giant U that points right back up your butt? No, no it is not.

Ideally both should be performed standing

Ham and butter sandwiches are definitely A Thing. My grandma used to make them, and “jambon beurre” sandwiches are found in basically every sandwich shop in France.

Based on how the toilets in my office look 90% of the time, I just assume everyone holds their piss until after they’re done shitting, so they can stand up and piss all over the seat before they leave.

It’s all a joke at this point.

I can’t even tell if this is a joke or not.

We don’t know who struck first, us or them, but we know that it was us that scorched the pie.

Fox News has already deemed this “The War on Crustmas”

If it were just the one weird uncle, we wouldn’t be in the trouble we’re in today.