Can I star this 100 times?

Hey, that douchebag is good at hockey.

Cholula or Tapatio are a cabinet necessity even more important than Sriracha.

Drew, these takes are burning my eyeballs out of my head, BUT ... do you feel the NFL should let it go? I think at least a fine or some mid-level picks are warranted.

Peanut butter is the best at any age. George Washington Carver says you need to recognize.

90% of all tweets about ads are just marketing nobodies who just default to praising every campaign anywhere. These are the same people who thought those Canadian Club "Your dad drank it" ads were "a retro callback" and not "this ad is a direct order to think about your dad's sex life".

"Who's praying the Sorrowful Mysteries now?!"

Are you a lizard?

As a fellow Steeler fan, "Fire him because he sucks but we'll never find anybody as good!" is the most Steeler-fan thing you could ever say.

The one where I did it had a Roku-type thing with a remote control, and when you turn on the monitor, the default screen was rows of Pornhub clips with one for each genre. VERY high-end. (I went for the cum-on-tits compilation.)

No mention of their quoted admiration of the Koch brothers? I couldn't figure out if that was expert trolling of liberal New York Magazine readers or just the future assholedom you describe.

I see you don't understand the First Amendment either.

You gotta update your HTML tags yo! <strong and <em are where it's at.

Are you my wife? This is how I ended up with three cats and a dog.

I just got the old-man "In my college days, a 30 of Busch Light cost $11!" reaction. Fuck, it's starting already and I don't even have kids yet.

You should turn this into a multimillion-dollar book and movie franchise, like that "Heaven is Real" weirdo.

As a kid, I was 100% convinced that one night I would look out my window into the back yard and have a silent alien stare right back at me.

Seriously? I would LOVE to live in a haunted house. Plus it's a great bargain!

I lived that outfield moment many times. /theworst

+10,000 reality-check points