Obviously this guy is not a fan of cumonmyglasses.com.

That was almost every interaction I had while living there.

Being turned down != disliking the idea of women asking men on dates.

What I would tell you, as someone who was way-jaded ten years ago at 23, is that eventually your existential world shrinks a bit and this stuff is less concerning. It's not like I feel less empathy, but I recognized that the act of thinking about all the people who have it rough doesn't do dick. You are you, and you…

I'd rather have Jerry Jones than Jerry Richardson. Snyder is an absolute finalist, though.

This was epic, and you have convinced me: I will never visit Arizona again.

The only cure for this is to find some way to regularly remind yourself that you have it good by helping people who have it bad. I volunteer because helping people feels good, but a selfish benefit also includes thinking, "Damn, your life is rough as fuck. Good thing I have this awesome job that might be kinda boring…

Really? I take it every day and find that a bigger problem are the drivers who take the curves WAY too fast. Every now and then a driver will floor it between Armitage and Sedgwick, causing half the people in the car to stumble into the other half.

Please be a trolling post, because I'm from Pittsburgh and am horrified that you are real.

Good list, except you got No. 4 backwards - our obsessively spoiled fan base will nitpick the most minor flaws even AFTER the Steelers win a Super Bowl. "God, what was Ben doing up until that last drive against the Cardinals? Our team is FUCKING GARBAGE. Glad we got that sixth ring though."

Is print porn still a factor and are there still visibly hot girls riding the train to work with me? Because when we lived our lives in the Dark Ages using torn-out bits of "Cheri", we still got it done. But going back to non-digital everything else would be horrible. I have to write and mail checks again to pay my…

The worst is the silent standoff over the armrest when some other dude gets too territorial: you insist in claiming your territory with your own arm, but then it has to rub up against his arm (totally not gay at all) until one of you gives in. Once I started verbally arguing with a guy after I politely asked him to…

Go banana!

Two words (one hyphenated): Over-the-Rhine riots. That happened in 2001!

Have 238 people replied "Clooney" to this question yet? Because Clooney.

How can you tell the difference from "For Whom the Bell Tolls"?

I must disagree completely - I think sitting makes the problem infinitely worse. In fact, after taking a shit, I will hold a piece of TP up against my dick hole to prevent from pissing all over the stall while I stand up. You don't get the gravity action you do from pissing while standing, and that only builds up MORE…

I don't know about you, but I would rather not go back to the days of McKinley-era cities. Only if I get to be an industry baron of some sort who can buy my way out of the average man's misery, like I get to run Big Railroad or Big Whale Oil.

Serious answer: I think it will be animals. The existing animal-rights movement is already very strong, and the tide has already turned against things like fur, whaling, glue traps, etc. This isn't to say that animals will vote or get married ("THOUGH THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WITH GAY MARRIAGE!" - idiots), but I think…

Would Scott Raab commit televised suicide if this happened? I think the answer is a solid yes.