That dog is living his life to the fullest. Better than me, sitting here at my desk

I'll call Tim Cook and tell him to shut it down then.

This job would be second in shittiness only to the person who has to put down puppies at a shelter (I'm going to go home and hug my dog now after even thinking about that haha)

Pictured: lowest job satisfaction in any workforce.

Wait... They ARE using a classified, open-ended government budget to freely spend, right? 60" that shit. This TV is Michael Scott status.

I do respectfully disagree with you on this one. Growing up, I remember seeing PG-13 war movies with my dad, and the lack of gore honestly I think desensitized me more than Saving Private Ryan.

Nice! Now when I drop my iPhone, I can still maintain design uniformity by having the entire device shatter, rather than just one replaceable glass panel.

I would like to stay home and masterbate as much as possible- I will be starting a campaign to raise funds that will help me recover any lost wages that will result from me not showing up for work during this project. Thank you internetz for all your support.

Is that Jerry Gergich?

Eh- agree to disagree. Those wonderweapons have saved me from Nazi Zombies many times haha

Tiny swivel!

The guy with the gun was a total A-Hole; everyone is wearing white jumpsuits to show all the colors hitting them, and he goes straight for headshots on everyone haha

Exactly! I was born in '88 so right around the age that I was winding down my video arcade days, I remember the game Beach Head came out where it was "virtual reality" (thanks Oculus for making me feel like that needs to be in quotes haha) and I thought that technology had officially peaked

I will never forget trying to go for a run with this when anti-shock came out. I quickly found out that anti-shock was a web of lies, but I refused to admit it wasn't awesome because I spent all my allowance on it, so I had to run while holding it in front of me like I was balancing stacked plates.

There was a place near me called Great Times Family Fun Center that was my favorite place... When my nephew was old enough, I was pumped to take him; I found out its a heating and air conditioner distributor now. I love Call of Duty as much as the next guy, but getting all your friends together to go play video games…

No joke, I was at the grocery store and the following conversation went down between me and the bag girl:

The only use I have thought of for that function is dimming the lights to a red hue when I'm about to have sex, which when I envision myself doing that I bust out laughing.

The CIA and DEA are active in running drugs to fund operations in South America. I'm at work and don't want to spend my self-appointed 5 minute break looking up the sites, but a quick google search will yield some credible results. They often favor some cartels over others and often topple governments when they won't…

Will this work with Apple Home Kit when it is released or will I have to have a separate GE app? I imagine Phillips Hue will work with Home Kit but that will not make me shell out $60/bulb

The second I saw "The fieriest star..." my instant through was "what does Jesus have for us today?" haha this is awesome and the size of it just made me not give a shit about cover sheets on TPS reports