Oh the paaants. I would love to wear mens pants all the time. With man hips. and man butts. Man butts in man pants is the best.

i actively hate this dude

Maybe his balls are Louisiana level swampy. I really only do this when it's super swampy, but I at least close it a little to give more room for other people.

So they'll be Bippity Boppity Boobs?

I always wonder about people who think this. If this was happening, it would be like a stream of urine had to play a game of Plinko to make it's way out. And there would be such a mess.

Boobs for one night? Can we please please please start referring to this procedure as "Cinderella Tits"?

I'm a fully licensed pediatrician. Here's me with one of my favorite patients:

Every time I have to go to Florida, I'm amused to see that much stupid up close, and then thankful that I get to return home to less amusing but also less insane people. I've never had to stay in Florida longer than a week, and I'm not sure how much more of it I could take. After a while, it stops being funny and it…

We can't leave until I'm done with grad school. Then....freedom!

Good news, they fixed her nose!

I hate to tell ya, Mark, but that's definitely not a horse erection. They let it all hang out like that when they're relaxed or right before/after they pee. It's dropped but not erect.

I really think Florida should embrace "You should visit and then go home" as a tourism slogan.

florida handles florida thing in a florida way.

Does anyone else think that GRRM just cackles maniacally while writing?

Jesus fuck....seriously? So I need like a male version of the push up bra for my penis? To like exaggerate the size of my junk? I mean not my junk. My junk is huge. Massive even. I'm just asking for a friend.

It's a gross and threatening act, not a Dementor attack. I don't think chocolate works for everything.

how do you ~decline~ to call the police

I feel the same way about looking at a picture of a steak. Unless it's on a menu and making it's way to my table in a few minutes I don't need to look at random pictures of steak.

It's okay, everyone! Deep breaths! Despite what Republicans have been trying to sell voters for years, Affluenza is not contagious. I repeat, you are not, at any point, in danger of catching Affluenza.

Affluenza is a life-threatening disease for everyone who doesn't have it.