If M&N sell a Piazza jersey, I’m shocked that’s not #1.

Believe it or not, yes it does. I can’t imagine how on earth they would enforce it, though. Maybe they’ll hire a legion of Health Nannies who will go around checking people’s mouths during the game. “Hey, what do you have in there?! And don’t you think two hot dogs is enough?”

When I was like 9, one of the neighborhood kids swiped a pack of his Mom’s cigarettes. We all tried smoking and choked our lungs out. Sitting in our little fort in the woods, I came up with a brilliant idea: “Hey, let’s take the tobacco out of the cigarettes and chew it like the ballplayers do!”

How do the insurance companies know if you use tobacco? Is it the honor system? Or if you come down with gum cancer, do they say “You lied - screw you, we ain’t paying for this!”?

I hate a lot of things too, like people microwaving fish lunches in the office or Poors having 7 kids that I pay for, but I’m not looking for more laws.

Give the commies running NYC time for their long game. It starts slow, with “warnings” about calorie counts and sodium percentages. Then the bans - trans fats, large sodas, eventually fatty meats and cheeses and dessert. Soon, Mayor Melissa Mark-Viverito or Jumanji Williams will have us lined up in the streets every…

I chewed leaf tobacco like Red Man for years. After I got out of college before I got my first “real” job I was doing contracting and home improvements with a buddy and it was just fun the chew while in the truck or working outside. After that, whenever I was mowing the lawn or gardening or shoveling snow or basically…

You would have been well within your rights to leave some on the seat. Or smudge some on the inside door handle.

“You don’t have to clean your ear, it cleans itself”. What a load of shit they try and feed you.

I’ve peed everywhere, man. Worst public pee story of my life:

You know who is “bothered”? People who make their living off nonsense like this, selling sensitivity training and getting jobs as “Director of Tolerance and Inclusivity” and other SJW sinecures.

“In past years, Jezebel has used the end of March to debate the big issues of our time: whether pie is better than cake, whether sex is better than chocolate, whether drugs are better than alcohol.”

I can deal with toothbrushing at work, but there’s a weirdo in my office who flosses every afternoon at one of the sinks in the men’s room.

You beat me - I answered their knock wearing my wife’s panties on her dare. I almost threw up laughing so hard when one of them fell off the stoop trying to get away.

Get the meal plan. You’ve already laid out all the $$, what’s another couple hundred bucks? And then you don’t even care when the kids want more food, or snacks - it’s already paid for, and it’s an effort for normal people to eat the full amount they are allotted over a week.

There is a very limited window for drinking while you are supervising your kids. You can’t swill when your two-year-old is frolicking in the park, or peeing in your neighbor’s pool. You have to be on alert until they’re relatively self-sufficient and not subject to dashing their head apart on a swing or getting in a…

To be honest, I don’t consider golf a sport. It’s a game of skill, like darts or billiards or some shit. Oh, some 48-year-old in a sweater is an “athlete”? So’s the guy who’s dominating the prize-claw machine in the back of Chuck E. Cheese.

I am not the type of man who compares a basketball tournament featuring players I’ve never heard of to receiving oral sex, I’ll you you what.

And let’s not forget those fun labor policies. Billions and billions are made on the labor of primarily low-income and minority youth, even their very likenesses, but if these kids get so much as a free hamburger somewhere they might lose their scholarship. And just what kind of education are top-tier team members…

I wasn’t even sure he is still alive. Just using him to illustrate a point.