Mirth, an excuse to get together to drink, and something to talk about at weddings and funerals (much to our wives’ chagrin).

We didn’t want to do a full keeper league because that might get stale, but we wanted to add something to mix it up, so we came up with the Franchise Player. Each team designates ONE player (or Defense) as his FP, who he can keep as long as he wants. Players are only franchise-eligible if they were drafted after the…

To be honest, I’d rather be a FF player and not give a shit about what is actually happening in the NFL. I have a very mild rooting interest in the team I grew up following but seeing as how every year they either beat the Pats in the SB or miss the playoffs, I don’t really care that much. They win, yay. They lose,…

We started our league in 1989 and most of the charter members are still in it. We all take it seriously (~$1000 for first place will do that) but yeah, we’re not dicks about it. We don’t have guys badgering the commissioner about stuff, or colluding, or stuff like that, which I guess is less hardcore serious than just…

There are these people called “lawyers”. Look them up in the phone book, or the google. They will listen to your stories, then make your tormentors pay you lots of money at little or no cost to you.

Because she’s probably just as horrible to him. If he’s still interested in boning her, he knows if he criticizes her in any way he gets put on ice. Even if he’s not (and from the sounds of it, probably not) he knows that if he disobeys her, she hires a lawyer, steals his house, gets more than half his money, and…

Nah... we did a baseball league “just for fun” one year and since there was no money involved, nobody gave a shit and I don’t think a single person was paying attention by the end of the season.

Titans or Texans. Or are they the same team? I always forget.

Chris Berman makes everything exponentially more terrible. When will he just go away already?

If Eli and the Giants don’t step it up, he will be on the outside looking in. Just because you won two SBs doesn’t mean you get into Canton.

What was Brady’s signature moment this year? The single worst play call in sports history while Tom was praying on the sidelines. If Carroll doesn’t shit the bed, Brady just lost his 3rd Super Bowl and there’s a lot less “best ever” talk.

Soooo... they were drug dealers who menaced people with machine guns, but the police were hassling them just because they were black.

But you’d be an Olympic Champion! In an obscure event that NO ONE cares about! And you can come home, get a parade if you’re from a really small town, and then... I dunno, get a job at WalMart and bore your coworkers for the next 30 years.

“Hey, you know that ridiculous sporting event you’ve wasted your entire life preparing for? The race that literally nobody outside your immediate family gives a damn about? Yeah, turns out it is in a sewer and you may die if you participate in it.”

So laughing quietly at the absurdity that is a stripper eating Cheetos on stage = having “high” standards and disrespecting her. We’re going to have to disagree on that.

OK, next time I go to a Gentlemen’s Club, my friends and I will sit attentively, hands folded in our laps, as silent as if we were at a Broadway Play, so as not to disrupt the delicate nature of the artistic endeavour. That sounds awesome!

First of all... “performer”? This wasn’t the Bolshoi.

See other explanations.

Also good for obedience issues. “You shut up or Daddy will hang you again!”

To be 100% honest, I think a stripper gobbling neon-orange snack foods on the side of the stage is funny regardless of her appearance. It probably would have been even funnier were she slimmer, as she probably would have laughed along with us. When I say “chubby”, I mean for a stripper; she was just a normal-looking…