Nice job proving Jerry’s point. Seinfeld is the most successful, probably best sitcom of all time, and you’re whinging that he didn’t have a black friend. Because what matters in great comedy is checking off all the demographic boxes.

I live in an upper-middle-class area with a higher percentage of stable families than the national average. And there is a serious hard drug problem. I am not talking about kids experimenting with pot, or getting hammered on Fireball in the woods: I’m talking prescription opiates and, when they become…

Performance “art” is a bunch of talentless hacks doing goofy shit for attention, and the resultant circle jerk of critics and fellow “artists” is nothing but the old “Emperor Has No Clothes” story writ anew. Ooh, so transgressive!

You can’t deny me the joy that is a Bartolo Colon at-bat!

Players re-entering is absurd. I don’t know what the Missus is thinking. We argue every time she brings it up.

The only thing that bugs me about the shift is the selfishness and ego of the batters. Guys could drop down a bunt and be safe every time, but they’re too much of a big shot power hitter for that!

The only sport my wife follows is baseball, and three things set her off (well, four if you count considering the DH an abomination but all right-thinking people agree on that): the disparate dimensions, that players can’t re-enter games (“all the other sports allow it!”), and hilariously, the Infield Fly Rule. The…

Send Kristen Wiig with him. When she left SNL it was treated as a bigger deal than when Princess Di was buried. Her characters were dreadful, she’s not funny, and Bridesmaids sucked.

I have otherwise well-meaning relatives who would insist on hugs and/or kisses from my daughter, despite her disinterest. After a couple of these awkward exchanges I declared that they were no longer acceptable and they needed to stop when she said no or ignored them. One guy didn’t think the rules applied to him and…

Extralegal is the only way to get rid of these creeps. A handful of friends and I ran off a weirdo bothering my sister with not-veiled, not-subtle threats.

My daughter has come to find that the only way to get rid of unwanted suitors is to tell them she has a boyfriend. Because her own wants and feelings are meaningless, but if another man has a claim on her then she is off the hook. She is hating guys more and more every day.

Did you sign up for the Similac program? They send you check coupons for $5 or $10 off formula every couple of weeks, and sometimes they even throw you a free tub. If you haven’t, lie and say you’re due in a month so you get more. Oh, and get your parents, in-laws and friends to all sign up too. They have no way of…

I guess Costco dining options are localized... after all, I don’t get poutine. But yeah - a nice big Premio sausage with a bunch of peppers and onions on a huge puffy soft roll. It’s delightful.

I imagine the GOP has decided, at least for now, that it’s pretty much impossible to compete with the Free Candy Party. Handouts for everything has been a pretty strong incentive for the underclass to vote democrat.

Don’t know how PD pay is in Baltimore but in NYC hundreds of thousands apply for every new class, because they make a fortune and have insanely generous benefits including pensions that are beyond generous, all for a job that requires 2 years of college and meeting absurd minimum fitness qualifications. What’s gonna…

Divestment of capital for decades. Graft. Corruption. Poor leadership.

To cap off my wife’s announcing her pregnancy at my cousin’s baby shower (see above), my other cousin (showeree’s brother) had his wife run into the bathroom and lock herself in there sobbing for an hour. Couple was unable to have children and it was all too much for this poor woman. The sadness was tempered when…

A week after we got engaged, we went to my close friend’s med school graduation party. We agreed not to say anything to anyone, but my wife didn’t really mean it because she is the sun and everything in the world revolves around her. So technically she didn’t say anything, but wearing a giant honking engagement ring…

Heh... many, many years ago I had a paper route starting in the 6th grade. You would be amazed at how many people thought it appropriate to invite a high school freshman into their place for a beer or something. The early 80s were a very different time. One of my customers was an apartment two young women were…

Poutine and smoked meat sandwiches... I would eat there several times a week.