But wouldn’t you rather spend $15 million a year on Dallas Keuchel?

Deadspin’s previous owner went bankrupt over their insistence that revenge porn and celebrity sex tapes are journalism of the highest order. It’s in their interest to maintain that lie now.

“Multimillionaire complains about doing his job”

You’re begging the question that spending huge amounts of money on free agents is the way to do this, though. For example, Bryce Harper, who has all of 27.4 WAR (BRef) in seven seasons. It’s more likely that his contract will ultimately hurt the Phillies more than help them, and yet folks are still under the delusion…

Yeah, the Kris Bryant example is so fucking stupid. He won RoY and the Cubs made the NLCS that year. There was no reason not to keep him in the minors for a few extra weeks.

They won, and that’s what matters, so I’m not sure you can criticize them.

Yet another fighter in a pseudo-sport turns out to be a violent asshole. What are the odds?

He’s already my favorite NBA player. 

I believe any article about Lou Pearlman is required to use the term “Svengali-like” at least once. Please revise accordingly. 

college refs take note: when a guy makes an obvious buzzer-beater, you don’t have to lay on the whistle and run around waving your arms trying to get people to stop celebrating so you can take 5 minutes to confirm what everyone already knew.

What’s the online scene like for MW remastered? 

I’m sure Jays fans are irate they won’t get to lose him a year earlier to free agency. 

If you’re offered $300 million--which is absolutely “generational wealth”--and you turn it down, that’s on you. Harper could be one of the richest among us, but would rather have just a little more. So fuck him.

And poor Bryce Harper was only offered $300 million. This is the guy we should all be feeling sorry for. 

A friend of my mom’s used to date a romance-cover model. Even as a 15-year-old straight guy, I was in love. 

As a Cubs fan, I was perfectly happy sacrificing a month of Kris Bryant for another year of Kris Bryant. But we appreciate the white knighting!

That’s gotta be one of the worst songs to win a Grammy, right?

That’s, um, not how slavery worked.

This is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever read about Qatar, and that’s saying something.