I used to work with a dog groomer who had 1 male Jack Russell that she would always have to jack off before he would let her groom him. He would bite and be an absolute shit until the second she reached towards his belly. It was the WORST. So glad I got fleas and quit.

So I used to do the silent burrito until I started sharing a bed with my husband. Turns out I was getting chilled in the night. Now that I sleep next to a cuddly furnace, no more silent burrito.

No you may NOT!

Why did she cover them up?

My husband and I are really, really, really looking forward to voting for Wendy! Woohoo!

Okay, I'm still laughing. Thanks Swannysez, as far as I'm concerned you win the internet today!

Too bad it isn't really 'free penis' (hee!). It comes with that gasbag of an asshole attached. Who can literally murder you. And you will be blamed for your own murder, because you did something wrong. Not the gasbag who murdered you, oh no. He's fine. You incited him, or something. Totally your fault.

Size does matter, in a personal preference sort of way. I have my personal preferences on size, but have had my mind blown wide open by folks who didn't conform to my preferences. Besides, the whole 'size matters' thing is just something that seems to get pulled out whenever a writer or publication seems to be low…

Badass Mom!

They have some very cute stuff! It's totally worth the wait!

Red satin and black lace? *swoons*

Where's a strong wind when you need one?

Or if he's really on his game, ask me to salsa!

There are other options, besides 'sneaking out or divorce'. You can be polyamorous (me!), you can be a swinger and you can be monogamish. Yeah, it takes more emotional work to do/be those, but it can be worth it. Also, serial monogamy isn't really an answer. It's more just running down the clock.

Please explain why a plus size woman would wear a giant zigzaggy stripe across the abdomen?!

Fashion. Star.

Since you mentioned the vagina, every single dress there looks vaguely labia-like...

Umm, no. I don't 'go on large, periodic binges' that I somehow failed to mention. Are you serious? My idea of dessert is a handful of frozen grapes or a serving of strawberries. Things get really exciting when I decide to eat out and have a salad with grilled meat on top. Please don't assume things about my…

I'm a fat lady who rarely eats more than 1700 calories a day. I have a painful spinal condition and the medicine that makes life bearable for me makes me pack on the pounds. I swim regularly, do physical therapy and eat like a diabetic. Low carb, lots of grilled veggies and some lean meat. I can't even remember the…