Oprah is a woo-peddling new-agey crackpot. She also unleashed Dr. Phil on the universe. Screw her.

Little known fact. That aliens dad was named Ooga Chaka. Look at the picture, he is fighting back tears...

Squirrel Girl.

Whoa whoa whoa.... Are you telling me that when I tell someone to go eat a bag of dicks, I can give them an address where to go do it? I've been given the greatest of gifts today.

I was a food runner in a larger restaurant during school. Once, an older woman tried to order a glass of "man-aggie A troys" from me. I somehow kept a straight face and told her I would give her order to her server.

I believe this couple here was the first couple:

this is funnier.

You'll probably have a better day if you strike up a conversation with a stranger on the bus or train. New psychological research shows that commuters mostly believed that talking to strangers would make their journeys worse, but discovered after doing it that it almost always made them better.

AND THAT'S HOW TILDA SWINTON WAS BORN.

Pretend this is not a mask for a moment. Suddenly it looks like he is super happy and going. :D

*shrugs* At least it's a Swansea accent and not from somewhere in the valleys.

This show seems really busy. Like, too busy. Like...Spider-Man 3/Amazing Spider-Man 2 busy.

Corporations can be people. As long as they pay taxes at their full income, we can sue them, lock them in prison, and execute them under felony murder charges. Also, if they reconstitute, we consider it simply a name change and apply our laws accordingly.

When X returned

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

Dealbreaker. Shut it down.

May 3: Untitled

Once upon a time, I was the grader for an intro-to-astro university course. The answers for why astronauts don't float away on the moon were a fascinating, depressing look at our ingenuity of misinformation. Velcro, heavy boots, magnets, walking carefully so they didn't dislodge themselves into orbit... the list of…