I was really hoping they would stick with him until the end of the season. He's the sort to get them relegated out of spite. Pity.

• White police officer

Andy dug his iphone out of five hundred gallons of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine- or maybe I just don’t want to...

.. what are you even standing on in your history to think that you’re in any way to be vaunted?

Better than Rooney’s but can’t touch Conte’s

I genuinely yelped reading this....my score? 93 (million miles above these devils).

I probably am expecting too much....

Especially given their reactions to West Ham fans making slant eye gestures at Son. You’d think they’d know better....

I hope they don't have him backhand the hell out of Sarabi... 

I can’t imagine how they thought they were getting through this crowd without a miltary escort...

I’m so glad someone got this!

If you die while rubbing one out, do they blame your erection on rigor mortis?

“I found them. Finders keepers."

The damn school is an RIP in building form...

Jesus fuck this is an awful take.

Yeah seriously, we need some clarification here, because I could easily do without candy...but choosing between chocolate and booze....I mean, c’mon, let’s not make any rash declarations here...

Obligatory:

Infantino just wants to wet his beak.

I would get mistaken for any famous bald black guy (Tyrese, Michael Jordan) all the time....I never found a way to play that to my advantage....

I had that happen once... I was in Cincinnati and parked in some underground garage that somehow exited out into a hotel lobby. So I emerge and there are all these SF 49ers fans there and some little kid shoves a card or poster or something and asks me to sign...me and his dad exchange confused looks but I signed it…