Overheard somewhere in Alabama, circa 1960:

For a blog that only posts about Bill Simmons to hate on him you guys sure spend a lot of time paying attention to him

This is literally the most informative graphic made by SportsNation ever.

That would have gotten him into the Hall of Fame no matter what else he's done

Unless the way you make friends is hanging around people that are not interested in you, attempting to monopolize their time, stalking them on social media, and pulling stunts like waiting for them after an event and following them home, this does not apply to you.

That's bullshit. He get's a huge applause for getting himself up and finishing and all I get are feelings of guilt and self-loathing plus the possibility of going blind.

Cardinals fan, eh? Allow me the obligatory "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

PS4 version for me. A month's perfectly fine to wait. By then, the Cubs should basically be out of the running for the playoffs, so I can play the PS4 version instead of ripping my hair out watching the Cubs barrel toward another 100-loss season. :/

If he's not careful, I'm going to start to get the impression he's a bad guy.

I called from a GV number and he answered! I freaked out, hung up and now I feel weird.

Yeah, just called it as well. Left a message that said "I am surprised your voicemail isn't already full."

I just called to ask if he only represents giant white assholes. No answer.

Wait, are you serious? My criminal defense attorney didn't give me his cell-phone number for three years, and I'm probably his best client.

I called it, it's Mark's cell phone. If this doesn't prove his client is a moron, nothing will.

Richie [typing]: Listen, I know it must be hard to be stupid broad with a filthy hatchet woun-

He's a Dick. A real nobody.

Things had seemingly quieted down between the two until 2:40pm on February the 12th when Jonathon Martin made the regrettable move of unfollowing Richie Ingcognito on Twitter.

FACT: I'm what Roger Clemens would have looked like if he had juiced just a little more.

"FUN FACT: Jonathan Martin told me he thought about taking his own life in MAY 2013 b/c he wasn't playing well. Told me he felt worthless."

What's the over/under on number of minutes it takes for him to claim he was "hacked"?