The girl that gave those customers free milkshakes every time they came in because they were nice and tipped her during the recession. Those aren’t your milkshakes to be handing out willy nilly, girl. That’s called stealing from your employer.

Ever heard of The Vortex? The owner is one of my favorite people, like, on the planet. Here are their policies, which includes this peach and many others:

Eat your meat the way you like it. It's your taste that matters. People who claim there is "one way" to eat a steak are wrong. There is one way for them to eat a steak. You do you.

Yeah, I guess live and let live. And if they happen to be right, he gets his own planet or galaxy or something, so that’s pretty cool.

okay see that's just fucking insane. good luck w that one.

As a man who grew up in the Church of Christ, I’m going to go ahead and guess your Grandpa probably wouldn’t have been on board with that plan.

Oh, bullshit. There isn’t a stoner alive that doesn’t immediately recognize the smell of his own ganj.

Now I've read everything. That is unbelievable but sadly believable at the same time. I hope other tables made up for your tips that day.

Ahh, the seemingly endless amounts off assh*les who have never had to be a server and learn how hectic it is. And everyone thinks they are special and should be treated extra special. There is friendly and courteous customer service, and then there's "I want you to kiss my ass and I'm going to hold the four dollars…

I can't even count the number of times I missed out on a tip over stupid sh*t like this. Usually it was because the bartender took long or made their drink wrong, or they didn't like their food. Like how do I control that?

His name was Javier and I met him when I worked at the bookstore in college. He was super hot, but that's because all he cared about in the world was his body. Good for him! Good for him. But between working out and moisturizing and hair care and trimming and and and, there was...not much left. But super hot and…

Even better, say "this sandwich is eighteen dollars" and don't get surprised by the tax and tip.

I actually try to remind my wife she can interrupt me while I'm watching something. That's part of the reason we got a DVR with a Pause button! Or Record for longer interruptions.

Wow, Chris Brown is gonna be hella disappointed when he finds out beating cancer isn't what he thinks it is.