Ok, here’s a submission for Pinkham’s law: if you’re “giving” “free” milkshakes to customers who tip you well, unless you’re buying them yourself, you’re stealing from your employer to reward customers for giving you lots of money. Cheers anyway!

I had a regular diner customer who ALWAYS ate this: a side order of biscuits and sausage gravy, topped with a cup of salsa (which we didn’t charge for) and at least ten packets of strawberry jelly. He seemed to have an intellectual disability and I think he lived in a group home near the restaurant. I finally figured…

I work in a greasy-spoon diner, and we have a regular breakfast menu with items like bacon & eggs or pork chops & eggs. It never ceases to amaze me that sometimes, when I serve out the ham steak and eggs, the customer wants to know where their steak is.

Ugh, we have a particularly annoying group of God-botherers in our diner almost every Sunday after church. We serve huge portions and almost everyone needs a go-box for their leftovers. These people box up half their food, then proceed to “fellowship” at their tables for another hour after eating, and then, they open…

Right? He deserves his own planet or galaxy! Actually, if I pray to or worship anyone, it’s my grampa, a man who actually gave me something and sacrificed something for me. Plus, he lived long enough to perform my wedding ceremony.

Eff if I know, Henry, it’s some secret ritual in the temple wearing magic underwear I presume. My grampa was a military chaplain and a POW during WWII. His faith kept him going, and his ministry kept hundreds of men alive during their internment. For my cousin to publicly invalidate this (I’m atheist, BTW, so I know…

Here’s a twist on that: one of my cousins recently converted to Mormonism and promptly decided to posthumously baptize our dead grandparents into the LDS church. (Grandpa was a minister in the Church of Christ) and tell us all how wonderful it was on Facebook.

Those are not ritual pits, they’re cul-de-sacs!

This is actually how I deal (internally) with shitty customers. I pretend they’ve just had a stroke or some other trauma and treat them accordingly, with compassion and kindness. It’s hard to make money when you’re angry (as a server, anyway, maybe it’s different for boxers or MMA fighters), and being gracious to an…

Thanks for writing this. Right now, I’m watching my grown stepkids deal with their manipulative cunt of a mother who makes half-hearted suicide attempts just to fuck with her kids and get herself a few days in the hospital. I had a crazy mother, too, but at least when she attempted suicide, she had the courtesy to die.

I had someone who wanted to know why her vanilla iced coffee was brown, and not white, you know, like vanilla.

I know this is not the case for many servers out there, and I'm not denying that wage theft is pervasive in this business, but I have a different point of view on this subject: I work in California at a family-owned diner, and we are paid $9.00 per hour in addition to our tips. It's a busy, successful place, and I…

Here's something I've learned after 25 years of yo-yo dieting: if someone (not you) is making money from your quest to lose weight, you are not likely to have long-term success at keeping it off.

I missed out on a tip yesterday because I didn't have time to take a picture of a glutton. Let me explain: my restaurant serves huge portions and and we have "challenge" meals where the diner gets their picture taken and hung on the wall with their autograph on it if they eat it all, sides included. That's all they…

Am I too late? The cowboy who wet the bed when he got drunk, and once peed in my mouth during a bj.

I'm guilty of going deeper, I call it "hitting the Q-spot", there's a certain, ummm, relief you feel when you hit it. You know what I am talking about.

My addition to this list: Be a few minutes late (but not too late) for the ceremony. Tardy guests following you down the aisle to their seats does not look good on the video.

For men: If you think your significant other is upset about something, and you actually want to soothe her or help her out, do not ask "is everything ok?" This question subtly implies that what you really want is for everything to be ok, and she will answer "yes" even though you both know she is lying. If you…

I have the same rule in my house, along with this one: I will never turn any clothes "right side out". If you want them that way, you are going to have to do it yourself. I wash and dry the things the way I get them.

And what's great about rewards is that poor people who don't manage their money very well end up paying for them through high interest charges, late fees, and over the limit fees, so YAY for rewards cards!!