You don’t know the half of it

I think she believed that Africa was going to be like one giant Ralph Lauren photo shoot, with beautiful Waspy white people elegantly draped over Land Rovers, or posing with cheetahs on the savannah. This whole trip just screams “noblesse oblige.”

melania got trampled?

She is poison.

How long before Eric and Don Jr shoot it?

“husband, father, son” = Two condoms failed. Big fucking deal.

“I Am an Independent, Impartial Judge.”

He didn’t actually apologize, you know.

Who the Hell thought this was a good idea? Brett is an entitled brat who lied way before the allegations. Given all of his connections it's astounding that every move he's made has been wrong.

This.

“I’m sorry I screamed but everyone’s being so unfair to me!”

That’s a very small piece of toilet paper for such a large piece of shit.

I find it hard to believe that trump is actually capable of wiping his own ass.

And yet it’s the least embarrassing thing he’s done as President.

And he says he was thinking about his family while doing that.

Truth. I and the women in my life routinely use “it’s fine” as a phrase that means “it’s absolutely not fine, but it’s not worth the drama that the truth will bring up.”

Truly, fuck all the women who are ready to pony out the ‘well, he didn’t do it to me, so he couldn’t have done it to her’ defense.

when you learn at the feet of your father that a good ice breaker is grabbing a woman by the pussy, then yeah, sexual assault is 100% adorably asking her out.

I seriously need karma to kick in for Junior. I hope Mueller refuses his request to turn himself in and makes him do the perp walk, handcuffs and all. That’s only the beginning of karmic payback. That slimy asshole deserves nothing less. 

Preeeeeetty sure this was the plot of an episode of Criminal Minds.