Do you have some kind of social disability? I just want to know who I’m dealing with here before I tell you how sad of a person you are.

Wait a minute....am I not allowed to hope that a serious allegation about a player that I am a fan of is false? Please tell me where I went wrong, oh great white knight of deadspin!!

I’m guessing it means that he smoked weed....or peed in a salad.

As a Hawks fan, my butthole has been puckered for the past 24 hours.

Chihuahuas are just the worst

Barry, you know I don’t speak Spanish.

So would it be fair to say that in you did not find what you were looking for in that album?

I was a caddy for a very nice country club, hated the place. Used to do the same thing, until I realized that I wasn’t getting back at the members, I was making the already sad greenskeeper crew even more shitty.

We don’t speak of that.

The Joshua Tree is a goddamn incredible album and I will fight any soulless person who says otherwise. That being said, Bono is a pompous ass. Seriously, what the fuck is that guys problem with AIDS? Hold grudges much? And fuck whoever decided to go along and refer to David Evans as “The Edge”. That is a terrible…

Even worse was the shit the Red Sox took on the field.

We had THIS and we WASTED IT.

Jurassic Parking. It’s just 93 minutes of a T-Rex trying to parallel park a Geo Tracker

I don’t know...maybe you’re emotionally attached to their bods? I for one couldn’t sleep for days after Alex Rios’ butt strutted, ever so gracefully, down to the Rangers.

As a White Sox fan, I say keep it where it is. Doesn’t let me get too emotionally attached to any of our players.

Speaking of weird and satisfying, gonna need some Damprid for these khakis.

It would appear the $500 million cost scared the Dickens out of potential investors.

Until you are able to jam a stick into the spokes of your opponent, I will remain uninterested in this silly European monstrosity