Can't...stop.....laughing

Papa Johns is made of people!

The Harlem Shake was fucking gay. I've got an idea. Lets talk about the newest dance trend. While we're at it, let's talk about color tv, touch-tone phones, TWA, and the Rockefellers and Vanderbilts. This country is getting exponentially dumber every week.

I kinda liked it better when I didn't know who wrote it. Next thing I know, you're going to tell me the 85 year old in the Cenegenics commercial doesn't actually wear 501's with rodeo belt buckles.

If you can't beat 'em, fake it. Or, change the laws to what actually constitutes a "craft" brewery (which has already been done) and lobby the shit out of congress not to reform the ridiculous prohibition-era laws preventing breweries from actually selling their own products to the public. Done and done. Can't they…

Fuck John 'Stuffed in a Locker' Daniels for giving up on Chris. "Oh, we gave him a shot and he didn't work out." A half a season of second-guessing from the get-go? Thanks a lot, you fucking dweeb. How's Uehara working out for you? What's that? He wanted to leave Texas immediately after being traded? Huh. …

Cousin Larry's gonna be pissed.

That's nothing. One time, I picked my nose until it bled.

Bullet-proof backpack.

WHY would anybody take a guy with a Vanilla Ice haircut seriously? Don't they have any fucking Supercuts north of the 38th parallel, or is that country THAT fucked?

Not even Quentin Tarrantino could save those ginger snaps.

Tap-Out gear.

Women be clappin'

I prefer the 3 series - it's more nimble, and screams "I want you to think I made it, but I still live check-to-check!"

Nice to see Corky finally made something of himself.

-1. Too soon

While not as ubiquitous as Ebert, Peter Travers from RS is an excellent writer and insightful critic. He has a hardon for PT Anderson, though.

It's no Fletch.

I'm disappointed there aren't more Chris Brown analogies. Let's pick the low-hanging fruit, here.

This is going to be a much more boring case to follow than Jodi Arias. No bad dye job, no herpes sore = no ratings.