If you believe that, you should have written the Cy Young Doesn't Matter column, which would have at least given us the irony of a troll pundit decrying other troll pundits.

These smalltown judges don't even know what they're doing, I guess no one's heard of a writ of habeus corpus.

I won't lie— sometimes I feel vindicated when an old German's in my intestinal tract. But I'm very rarely facious about it— hell, ceding control is pretty much the point.

But no, that's reportedly what happened in our own backyard a decade ago.

This is interesting but what can we do. Unfortunately there is no Constitutional prohibition on this kind of thing.

[walks up]

He's now Badass Sanchez. Evil Sanchez...

Floyd Maybeather

Holy shit. This is absolutely terrible. I'm just hopeful that this is an isolated incident, otherwise every baseball player will be dead soon.

Aaron Grievances-Hernandez

I guess the WWF has never heard of the right to free speech.

Raysism?!?!

Hmmm... gay wrestler? Gay boxer? I'd say gay MMA fighter would be next, but they're too busy being dumb as fucking rocks to know the difference.

Great. As if there weren't enough heels in professional wrestling already.

IT'S "THE MAIN EVENT", NOT "THE MAIN STEVENT"!!!

I can!

What's the difference between that ball and Aaron Hernandez?

It's amazing how well these computerized models can predict attendance.

Just so you know, I still come back to this on a regular basis.