uh, celine dion would like a word.

"Coach, I'm actually thinking of staying for my sophomore year."

Staring at them is a bad idea though

Right? And I can't even understand why. I could have sworn like three years ago he was a white guy.

ANALYST 1: [Reads; chuckles]
ANALYST 2: What is it, Vladi?
ANALYST 1: Obtaining these deep-sleep-pattern records from that player's device... it was... a good idea.
ANALYST 2: Oh? Good for ours?
ANALYST 1: Well, if these are to be believed, the Americans have all been injured at some time recently.
ANALYST 2: Everybody?
ANA…

It's like an eyepatch. But y'know. For the other eye.

Elton John: Don't worry, Michael, it gets bett-

So four kept on going but everyone wants to obsess over the one that stopped functioning.

This whole PED witch hunt is just getting out of control. Now, they're putting asterisks on the Olympics before the damn thing even starts!

You were shooting coke when you saw that?

That was an awfully rapid descent down the slippery slope, what with an entire football team now trying to get married.

This is in sharp contrast to Texas Tech boosters, who've long threatened to secede from the union.

Let me save the six of you some time:

Related.

어머.... Candy Candy?

"Yeah, we're all Broncos fans now."
-America post-Richard Sherman interview

All these nicknames are unbearable.

That's odd. When the U.S. wants to reach its preordained conclusion, regardless of the actual facts, the last question it usually asks is: "What WMD?"