I, for one, am shocked BlumpkinLabiaMania was unable to place that quote into context.

Weird, every time I try to create a player named Fernando Torres the game freezes up and flies 12 feet to the left.

Shouldn't the Eagles' PR staff have some sort of policy against their players following other teams?

You're right.

No shit they're selling watered-down beers, Barry. It's right there on the menu: Budweiser.

You guys don't understand the concept of "the mixtape DJ."

Qatari Passport Officer: Purpose of visit?

This presents a delicious conundrum. If they throw all of the gay people in jail, who will be left to play soccer?

Palmer: "Doctor, will I get my mobility back?"
Doctor: "You'll actually be more mobile than you were before. Check it out..."
Doctor: [hands Palmer keys to a brand new rascal scooter]

Not as bad as when Gary Glitter personalized all those upright organs.

Jesus. Drake's wardrobe is really on its Worst Behavior.

Kurt Warner isn't taking to the internet to call for genocide, though, and he does have that going for him.

Will you tell me some of your good jokes?

Joke's on you, pal. I hate sports.

Whichever Plumlee is on the Nets.

As a Sixers fan I feel like a cancer kid about to get my Make-A-Wish when suddenly the Lakers mainline cesium so they can meet John Cena.

Wow, how the mighty have fallen. A year ago, he was the best running back in the NFL. And now? He's forced to cut the fabric off of his couch to make a suit for court.

Report: Timberwolves unpopular with fans, according to telephone poll

"You soft motherfucker. Bitch ass nigga."

this is some good-ass kinja