I just feel like this whole country is trolling me now. Unarmed black men beaten and killed in the streets and hundreds of racists donate money to the white cop perpetrator while also posting insanely racist messages, meanwhile white folks carry around assault rifles while they're shopping at WalMart completely…

My wife is as ridiculous as I am. This one is short and sweet and not about work.

Codified by Dave Berry with The Waiter Rule: "If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person."

"So just imagine getting kicked in the balls, for hours a day, for like 3 days a month and you've got what my period feels like."

cleanup (which is basically a non-factor for sex, especially with a condom)

Good to know...

Do balls float in the bathtub and WHY HAS NO MAN EVER ANSWERED THAT AND WHY DO THEY ALL RUN AWAY WHEN I ASKED?

Like a houseguest. Marvelous at first and full of possibilities, but if left unsupervised for too long, they can be a real pain.

Total fact. I routinely have a guy who comes in who makes 7 figures, no exaggeration. He wears pretty much casual clothes (usually some permutation of our local college team, drives a Maxima, drives himself, and he always orders a medium rare burger with extra sauce, on the side, and a diet coke. Every time. Every…

I'm struggling with this concept of "leftover mashed potatoes." I don't think that's a creature I've ever encountered in the wild. The recipe sounds great, though! :)

Amen. Until you get the "You'd look prettier if you smiled." To which I respond, "You'd look smarter if you kept your mouth shut."

i used to try and nap under my desk between call shifts at the job i had when i was in my early 20s. they were all like ADULTOSAUR YOU CANT DO THAT and i was like IDK I FIT SO I THINK I FUCKING CAN

During grad school I worked in a parking booth at the university hospital. It was usually a great job, I always took night shifts so that I was basically being paid to study. Nothing ever happened, really.

I imagine there are a lot of good stories in mental health, as there are in my field, which is special education.

He wanted to take you higher.

I'm a supervisor at a warehouse here in Texas. I'm the one that closes up in the evenings. This was a Friday night and my wife and I had plans. I knew it was going to be a long day so I brought a change of clothes and my PH bag to work with me. Also know that I had just bought a bar and new Mustang GT. This is…

This story comes, as do most of my better ones, from my time working at Space Camp. I was working an adult weeklong camp during the off season and it came to the time of week when the campers participated in their extended mission which was eight hours long. I was working the SpaceHab area which is the self contained…

Uh, building a desk fort when you have nothing better to do sounds awesome. And I'm now sad that my workspace desks are bolted together in such a way that I cannot construct a fort.

It does, and basically anyone who claims to know when the Rapture is happening will not be joining the fun, because they committed the sin of Pride by pretending to know what God is thinking.

So, really, the only person in any danger of getting Raptured at any point in the foreseeable future is Pope Francis, because he…

Some dudes try to tell me my short haircut is a "boner killer" and I'll I can think is