Ted Talker

Apparently it dates to 2013! But really took off in December 2015. Also, I love your username.

“satanic masturbation”———Is that when you do it upside down??

He’s a screenwriter... he should write a Borat style movie about Ted Cruz.

Will buy.

According to him, this had it’s benefits. He got invited to all the cool parties by upperclassmen because they felt bad for him (and I expect because he was entertaining as hell on the subject). Also the girls in the dorm would come to him to come to him to complain about Cruz creepily lurking outside their rooms in a…

You know this is so cathartic. That whole time he was just loathing Ted Cruz and storing up all this anger and resentment and now: Voila. Take that Ted! Never forget Ted! Craig finally, finally gets to let it all out and mess with Cruz on a national forum. I, for one, am just glad I get to watch it all unfold.

Now THAT’S a kick-starter campaign. Get it done and I’m in.

Oh let’s make this happen - he’d be the best “Special Correspondent” ever.

You need to make this happen.

I would settle for a regular appearance on Samantha Bee’s Full Frontal.

I was gagging at the idea of Cruz jerking it, but that Zodiac Killer tweet slayed me dead. It’s my favorite political rumor ever.

Between his stance on abortion and this position on dildos Cruz is dangerously underestimating the trollop voting bloc. I really want to make bumper stickers that say “I’m an irredeemable slut, and I vote.”

Honestly. For the amount of hatred people who actually know him have for him, he must be in a special ring of horribleness. Even Hitler had friends.

I have had a number of deep belly laughs in the past couple days and they have all been courtesy of some fairly dark humor (satanic masturbation, religious freedom for florists, etc.). I have to thank Craig for adding to that because, after all, laughter is the best medicine.

I feel like Craig needs to be sent some wine or other beverage of his choice. The guy had to live with Ted Cruz. We didn’t.

Meanwhile, back at the Cruz camp....

Stuff like this almost makes me want to have a Twitter account

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