Iron Fist was the first name I searched for. Total bad-ass. His origin story is excellent — his mom let herself get eaten by wolves so the young lad could escape. Wolves! He killed a dragon with his bare hands! Man, I'm getting all pissed about this oversight just thinking about it!

I guess you're supposed to get a pneumovax shot every several years, so stay on-top of that. But my bottom line: your body will have limitations it didn't have before. A hangover that you would have laughed about will now be absolutely incapacitating. You can live a largely normal life, but you basically just have to…

I ruptured my spleen — happy to talk to you about life without one. (For starters: you're going to have to pay more attention to your diet, get more sleep, and drink less booze. Sorry, it's your new normal.)

I would argue that James Woods' descent into complete lunacy is one of the more disappointing things I've learned in a while. (Not quite "Beck is a scientologist," but it's up there.) Maybe he's always been crazy, but dude had some serious chops back in the day. No one played, sweaty, neurotic, twitchy freaks better…

Scott Skiles.

I mean, southwest Wisconsin has New Glarus (which is great even without the beer), Spring Green, Mineral Point, and the awesomely named Black Earth. If you don't like it, you're just a snarky jag looking for things to criticize.

My god, that's funny. I'm at work, crying. Well done.

I recently moved to Madison, which is a great city in an otherwise shitty state.

Link? I'd love to read it!

I reluctantly agree — it's not a Halloween movie, but it is a great, underrated little classic.

That movie is absolutely phenomenal. Works on SO many levels. Great call.

That's borderline child abuse, right there.

That would have completely ruined me. As for your other comment: Yes, I know the shark was broken. So it was a happy accident.

Yeah, I mean, it went beyond scaring me. Like, I saw The Exorcist and Alien when I was young, so I wasn't a complete babe in the woods. But there was something about Carpenter's filming that stayed with me for ages. Even that innocuous clip you posted showed the dread that lurked in almost every shot. You knew Michael…

My dad took me to see Halloween when I was 10. TEN. It completely and totally freaked me out for years. Michael Myers was omniscent, unkillable, and in Illinois (I was in a Chicago suburb). Thanks, dad.

You're exactly right. He's completely over his head. The nebbish over-explanations were cute at first, when it seemed he was this offensive savant who could work wonders. Now, it's clear that the Bears again made the wrong decision — they had Bruce Arians and Mike McCoy for the taking, and they went for the creepy…

I get a sense of Matisse here — in that the bro with the ugly tatt was yelling, "You knocked out mah tisse!"

"That guy has great taste in music."

How did this happen? Wisco has consistently been a blue state. How can they keep voting this guy in?

What the eff happened to Tim Roth? I saw much bigger things for him after Reservoir Dogs and even Rob Roy.