Dammit, I just asked Santa for a tall tower and an Uzi this year and now I feel like a real piker. Go big or go home, huh?

Hail Satan!

Ugh, the pockets big enough to smuggle 5-subject notebooks in them, so foul.

Translates to: "Worked in food service"

Nuke it from orbit - it's the only way to be sure.

I work at a university and was trying to explain to the students that work for me how big jeans in the 90's actually were. I finally just showed them a picture and they laughed hysterically for a good five minutes. I don't know how the hell we ever skated in these.

Gulp: I have a pair of black Delias yoga pants (before they were Yoga pants) that are going on 14 years. Still fit. Still hold up. Still look fucking fantastic. Just two teeny tiny holes near the waist band.

SPOILERS

Ah, Delias. I used to peruse the catalog longingly, looking at all the awesome things I couldn't buy.

That's why grunge was such a fucking GODSEND. I was already wearing ripped jeans with thermal underwear underneath, already wearing black t-shirts and flannel shirts, and already wearing ripped tights with baby-doll dresses and either Doc Martens or Chuck T's. All of those things are flattering on nearly every body…

They could seriously just remake things from their 90s catalogs and sell them. First there's the nostalgia market (I'd totally buy that purple frilly shirt dress right now if I could). Second, the young things are all trying to dress 90s now because it's vintage.

Guys, I am wearing a shirt from Delias. Right. Now. I have this specific v-neck shirt that they sold in about 100 different colors, that I got in every color available. They're perfect for wearing over collared shirts to work. I'm going to be so sad when they all finally wear out.

FUCK YEAH JNCO

Damn, who knew they still existed? I fucking loved getting their catalogs in the mail. Inflatable furniture, terrible sandals, platform shoes, wide-leg, mid-rise pants, rave gear, short-haired models, TyPeFAce LiKE THis. Ahh, the 90s.

be right back. i feel the immediate need to firebomb parts of the planet.

and smeared his crap all over the walls of the cubicle and the mirror directly outside it.

When I looked at the bill, she had left a ridiculously small tip of $66.66 (on a check around $190) with a little smiley face and note that said,"because 6 is my favorite number."

I'd expect as much from Satan. Seems legit.

I have a sticker some random rerecord label sent us that says "Bill O'Reilly: splotchy shithead." It has been proudly displayed on our fridges for years.

My best boy friend & I have a date to hate watch it while our husbands deny knowing us. My husband has already laughed out loud in a very crowded theater at the trailer. We're very excited about our date.