I'm a pretty saucy number but alas, a lesbian. So that helps with my nanny jobs.

Tim Allen has a show, still? Shit, here I thought he was relegated to Michigan tourism radio commercials (AKA “out of my face,” where he belongs).

Will it star this guy?

I choose B as well. Because I know that I’ll get some great, down-low, self-loathing gay sex with Rick Perry out of it.

Oh, chop off my toe! I’m going to give Rand Paul the spanking I can tell he has always wanted.

Would You Rather:

i was gonna say its Joe Biden’s travel bubble, much like Glinda the Good Witch

He’s the Polar Express of Bushes.

Ansel Elgort has a stupid name and a punchable face.

we all know what broke up Reba and her husband

Clinton’s pandering to big business is everything that Bernie stands against. Like it’s the number one thing on his platform. I don’t see it happening. They are about as stark as two people in the same party can be on this one and quite frankly I’d lose all of the faith I had in him if he sacrificed his principles for…

I have the boob cookie jar!

Usually I just let my festering sores do the talking for me, but I like this idea as well!

it’s a big desk, but I don’t think it’s big enough to hide Colin Quinn under there.

I feel you!

Emma. Someone got paid to write that. Like that is their job.

My thoughts on running:

Nooooooooo, I am devastated right now. Maddie and Bobby are enemies? Whose side do I choose?

I’m with Ben. If hand stuff while watching Daredevil was dating I’d be dating like six different people right now.

I seriously hate PETA so much that it’s hard for me to sympathize with the mistreated crocs. Which I know is wrong but can we please start supporting and giving our money to other animal welfare agencies that don’t use women as props and hate fat people?