It adds drama to his redemption story.

SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT DEAD.

It air dries? Unless I’m wearing a maxi skirt/dress though, I will wear underwear.

I'm sorry. I misread you.

I, uh, only wear underwear once in awhile. My secretions don’t smell. Maybe because I drink a ton of water. Anyways. It’s certainly the best way to avoid panty lines.

I have a hard time managing my overwhelming financial anxiety without comfort eating. I get it.

Is it like a roast? Where they’re supposed to be inappropriate?

If they froze, the water in their cells would expand and cause the cells to burst.

I think Gabriel. He’s petty as fuck, and kind of suicidal.

Ugh. This asshole needs to disappear. And/or stop procreating.

He’s an Ed Hardy / soul patch guy. Nuff said.

An egg yolk omelette sounds fucking amazing though. I need to partner up with one of the whites eaters.

If I somehow knew that Ann Coulter was the next guest in my hotel room, I would buy alarms and hide them everywhere.

None of her accusations struck me as too outrageous. Rosie should have hid her pot habit a little better.

Of course I’m reading this two days late. Thanks, Obama.

If you are being served (i.e., given) food, it is very rude.

If you add koala bears to the project, I would like to support your kickstarter.

Stressful. I’ve had both.

“Ambitious.” As an attack! It means two totally different things for men or women.

There’s definitely been an increase in public mass shootings.