“So, uh, where do you live?”

Has the day finally arrived when the common person doesn’t recognize a Spaceballs reference? A part of me has died :,(

Also let’s not forget that when he says “many people don’t know,” he actually means, “I just found this out either yesterday or literally as I was walking out onto the stage”.

yesterday i was thinking about how frogs can get boiled to death without really noticing that it’s happening; and then i was thinking man aren’t frogs lucky thats kind of a sweet deal.

I think in the case of Jeff Sessions, it’s more the pot calling the kettle white.

“Political correctness” is just being polite and treating people with respect. When people complain about “political correctness,” they’re really complaining that they can’t grab women or yell racial/homophobic slurs or condescend disabled people without push-back anymore.

Three weeks. It was a beautiful three weeks, but a short time all the same. Three weeks of being best pals, late night talks in LA, the us-against-the-world camaraderie. He and LeBron were going to prove everyone wrong.

Kendrick Perkins! Channing Frye! Richard Jefferson! Jose Calderon! Derrick Rose! Dwyane Wade! All your favorite players from 2011 and many other players from 2009 that you actually didn’t care for all that much but fuck it LeBron’s leaving and when you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back please kill me

If you have a stroke or heart attack under the Republican healthcare plan, you’re probably going to die.

“Corker said he believes ‘the most important public service I have to offer our country could well occur over the next 15 months.’”

Fun fact: FEMA didn’t get Beaumont Texas water, HEB did. Texas did as well as it did because the greatest grocery store in the world has a disaster preparedness unit that can roll out food truck, water tankers and mobile business offices which can cash checks and get people prescriptions. Trump could learn a lesson…

You forgot this one...

Gee willikers! What could go wrong? Let me call my good friends at Equifax and tell them. Ain’t the future grand?

How fucking crushing it must be to have been so excited for her premiere, only to have the giant hand of misogyny slap you back down to this piece of bullshit reality.

If/when Strange loses, Trump will say he never supported him, and say it’s fake news if you say he did.

i, too, hate it when i accidentally do a public racism.

Cut this guy a break. He’s just economically anxious.