i feel like the odds are lower than when i definitely fall off the table and get concussed

So here I am, about four weeks before I’m gonna get married, and I’m doing my usual biweekly platelet donation, and this was the dual arm procedure (blood goes out one arm, centrifuged to remove platelets, returned the other arm with some saline and anticoagulant). They get me all set up, and as they put the blanket…

We would, but we’re trapped on the freeway right now :/ send snacks

In general, you either do or don’t like the driving sensations of having a really good sofa aboard a really fast powerboat.

Until you drive one no amount of words will convince you.

“It should be interesting to see what all of those voters in the Rust Belt states have to say about this.”

I’m not a smart man, but I figure I can guess the skin tone of each one of those people.

Before everyone does what they’re going to do and FREAKS OUT, let’s try to come to some compromise.

Have you ever driven one? It’s like piloting a freighter suspended from a cloud while sitting on your couch. Plus you can drive without your knees, elbows, and arms in contact with anything which is hard to find in any modern-day vehicles. Plus you get the joy of using your right hand to stabilize the big-gulp…

Bush’s people were as loyal as Reagan’s, and willing to fall on their swords for the man.

I was deeply disappointed to find this was not an article about having bought something hilariously awful off Craigslist that seemed like a great idea at the time because you were bombed out of your mind.

Also, you can be an adult and have friends of the opposite gender. If you’re an adult and in a trusting, committed relationship, this should not be a problem, Mike Pence.

A collection of junk is still a collection.

My husband’s reaction to this story - “So Mike Pence is a raging alcoholic who can’t keep his dick in his pants?”

I admire Pence for coming up with this common sense solution to a very real problem.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

Mission accomplished then.

That’s a lot of words for not caring.

The English will come to their senses when they can no longer take day trips to Calais for cheap cigarettes and booze

It’s a statement of fact. Russia has in fact invaded Georgia and Ukraine. It still holds Transnistria. It tried to kill the leader of Montenegro. It pushed Lithuania and Sweden to restart conscription.