Rebuttal: They don’t think. They believe.

Think I’m gonna send it to the local food bank instead. Biden’ll have plenty of cash on hand, I’m sure.

It takes a special level of chutzpah to try and bribe people with their own money.

I watched this thing when it first came out, and I don’t know why, but the tone of the whole thing was more “awkward” and “uncomfortable” than “humorous” or “entertaining.” Is the weird cadence and dissonance supposed to be the funny part? I feel like I’m missing something obvious.

In reality, three quarters of the population of the line at the DMV would have easily handled this better.

I have a suspicion the wiper blade condom is on there so potential buyers will see it and think, “Oh, he took it through a car wash, so the sunroof doesn’t leak.” But the sunroof leaks. You know it does. So do I. So does everyone, except the poor bastard who drops five grand on this thing then takes it out in the…

Resembling a young Alyssa Milano more than a little sure didn’t hurt, either, I would imagine.

pumping gasoline at a few thousand RPM’s per second.

Trump Doesn’t Care if You Die

The GOP has a long, storied history of profiting from death. Different dance here, sure, but it’s always the same song.

What’s worked fairly well for me to this point is pushing my glasses a little further down my nose. Slightly inconvenient—need to tilt my head more—but until I can get a more form-fitting mask, it’ll have to do.

Short answer: when you move out of California. A station across the street from UTSA had it at 1.39 yesterday. Lowest recorded price in town is currently 1.19.

A crisis typically brings out the best in people as we try to work together to get through this. Not this president, however.

“I actually believe [COVID-19] is 5G poisoning, and not because I’ve done any research on this, or even understand what 5G really is,” he wrote. “I just refuse to believe that I lost my sweet, beautiful grandma, all because some nigga ate a bat one time. I’m sorry.”

Pretty sure Whitsett’s never heard of the word “placebo” before.

People who listen to the president’s medical advice, rather than that of actual trained medical professionals, pretty much deserve what they get.

Don’t know if it qualifies as a racing game, necessarily, but I actually enjoyed the hell out of Midnight Club: Los Angeles (don’t judge). It scratches that arcadey-realism itch just like the earlier NFS titles did, and as a bonus the “story” is cartoonishly over-the-top.

Guy down on the corner had himself a bright red ‘72 Pantera. Every time he fired it up, the entire neighborhood just stopped and watched that beast roll out of the garage before he tooled up and down the street. He gave the neighborhood kids rides sometimes, which was really cool of him.

There should be some sort of mandate that federal aid won’t be provided to cities and counties that refuse to implement stay-home orders. You wanna risk it, Cumming, go for it. But you’re not getting any help. Better pray your hospitals and mortuaries will be able to handle the load.