you are one sperm-obsessed weirdo

Can we also get Patrick Roy choking to death on a sandwich as he reads the news?

Hedging your bets, I see

Nope. Seeing a motorcycle unexpectedly fly overhead is definitely a distraction, and could easily cause someone to jerk the wheel, brake unexpectedly, take their eyes off the road and drift into the other lane, fail to see a person braking in front of them, etc. So yes, he is endangering people.

- How about.... “It depicts various groups of people embracing a spontaneous moment, in an exploration of what that truly means to live life unbounded, unfiltered and uninhibited.”

Sadly, this has never once been useful.

I’ve been singing the Albania song for years. Glad I’m not he only one.

WAY TO GO, PAUL

Marvel Studios Executive: [frantically greenlights Uncle Drew: Battle of Justice Dawn: Guardians Of The Dark World: The Re-Reckoning Of The League Of Time Soldiers]

What are your feelings safety-wise? I look at these pictures and think about how many linemen must have been killed due to the sheer concentration of wires.

4. Everyone is require to create, and regularly use, a twitter account.

The escape goat wasn’t available because you were busy having sex with it

Syrup is better than nutella. You suck

You idiot.

D - Palmer Voorhees, Fr., Elon

Buddy, we all wish you’d just shut up already

If you’re in an airplane, with the entire writing staff, that’s falling from the sky, and you have two parachutes, who do you give the other one to?

Ed: obviously, no one needs to say “not Burneko”

Good lord this was worth it.