Look, birds have to nudge their young out of the nest, right? This is pretty much just like that, except I've never had the urge to swing a lead pipe into a bird's nuts as hard as fucking possible.

Seems cut and dry to me.

Just Baskin Robbins? You 1%ers make me sick.

It's simple, people: Two Man Enter, One Man Leave. And the other man is Guy Fieri. And the winner gets shot anyway. Then we all go out for ice cream.

Meanwhile, a fan at the World Uphill Championships is just fucking gassed, man.

I dunno. First it's weed, then ecstasy, then coke, then bath salts, then the next thing you know this party is fucking epic, man.

That's incredibly dumb, and I love it.

But... he's still a molester, right?

oh for fuck's sake

Oh, I'm *so* glad we've progressed to this wonderful point where we can write about sports and malls and sports in malls and shopping in malls while sports are happening, yet ignore the genocide of millions of worthy pets in America's so called animal "shelters". Check your privilege before posting your hate.

Well at least this explains how Mary won first place in the '00 Jerusalem Innkeeper's Fun Run.

A strike on balls? Who's umping this thing, MY WIFE?

Knock knock.

Listen you rat bastard ,they're called "haikus" and you suck monkey ass.

That's very cool.

And the loser here is everyone else, because FUCK YOU AL TRAUTWIG

Wind, dipshit. Wind.

It smells like warm farts in the Hynes Convention Center on Sunday

Why is her first name on the bib, and not her last name? Seems weird. And if that's weird, then all running is weird and this website is weird and I'm weirded out by you weirdos.