“What kind of things do you like me to do with you body?” Jeb said as I looked over the contract. “Do you like it when I keep it from healthcare?” Oh my. My inner goddess screams YES but I blush.

Comparing a selfie taking monkey to slavery. Really, PETA?

Is it bad that I just assumed he'd gotten crazy Botox and a contour kit?

I get very, very angry when people say that doing kegels improves your ability to have an orgasm. That’s what my ex used to tell me as a way of blaming me for his inability to get me off.

They really styled Jennifer Lawrence to look like Kate Winslet here.

Right Zac Efron is peak uncanny valley.

I seriously do them about 4 times a day. Any time I see an ad for Poise or hear anything about incontinence, I am squeezing like a motherfucker.

Analog dick pics! OMG

My wife once got an actual photograph of some guy’s boner slid under the apartment door. She and her roommate figured it was the creepy morning doorman of their building. She kept it because it was so comically large. Years later, I was trying to find a pen and I stumbled across it and she told me the story. This was…

Really? I’ve heard from many that Jamie was the worst part and Dakota kind of saved it.

Somehow Kanye’s latest tweets pushed this whole thing from sad and trashy and kind of gross to high comedy for me.

Rob and Black Chyna are being so petty. And I fucking love it! The Kardashians are one to talk about loyalty. Kim kicked Rob out of her wedding and none of them came to the hospital when he was sick. It’s obvious Kris doesn’t care about him because she can’t pimp him out like she does the rest of her children. If I…

Unpopular Opinion: I don’t want to read any more books based on The Holocaust.Sarah’s Key, The Lampshade, The Book Thief, Number the Stars, All the Light We Cannot See...

She was trying to air his business, not shame him. It’s 2016, get with it, yo!

He pulled a Leslie Knope.

OK, I’m going to stop for one second and point out how dumbfounded I am every time both Nicole/Joel and Cameron/Benji are in the tabloids together. It’s like the the gods above tossed a pack of pop culture dice from 2001 into a Yahtzee cup, shook for a while, and dumped out those four names. “Them. Yes. In 2016, we…

This is going to be my new fighting tactic. “Fuck you! I like your pants!”

Gotta love Kanye out of nowhere bringing Khalifa’s totally innocent kid into it and then rolling out number 16 as “don’t even hint at mentioning me my family or my wife.”

This is like, European monarchs level of family dating fuckery.

Is it just me or is diving into it like that swimmer did extremely dangerous?