And when you've published the 3%, you pretend they're really bad - and totally spontaneous - pictures. Like when celebrities take pics of themselves lying in bed wrapped artfully in a satin sheet with their hair deliberately tousled and pretend they just woke up that way.

Kids these days and their selfies and their chickens. *shakes head*

Problem is "heathen English" is so much less awe-inspiring than "classic English," a linguistic category I'm pretty sure doesn't exist. Behold an example from Shakespeare:

I choose to take that as a personal compliment. I have a fivehead, and I periodically experiment with bangs, but then I get sick of them because I like my eyebrows to be visible. They're so useful for expressing anger, surprise and disgust.

You get a gold star for an elegantly articulated insult.

Can you prove that you're not Abraham Lincoln? I didn't think so.

This reminded me of some guy online somewhere recently (I don't think it was here) complaining loudly that if you "serenade" a woman now, she'll have you arrested. Firstly, I want to know what you mean by "serenade" and where you'll be doing it, because if it's outside her house late at night it's harassment, if it's…

Wow, I think I'll give this a miss. I didn't even love the second film. And they DO look tired, don't they? It's a really horrible thing to say about a fellow human being, but they both look pretty weathered. I'm not sure making a third film was a great idea, or why people think representing the gritty reality of…

Michael J Fox is just one of those people who is perennially likeable. He doesn't even have to try very hard.

Well, if you are Barney and Robin, I can't blame you for wanting them to succeed. I hope your Ted finds his true love so you can all sit on a porch together when you're 70. ;)

This topic immediately made me think of Bart Simpson emancipating himself and renting a loft below Tony Hawk and Blink 182.

I didn't like her that much on 30 Rock, so I'm trying to block that out of my mind. As a normal-looking brunette she's quite lovely.

She so does! Those big doe eyes.

I do think blank of Anne Hathaway. That's uncanny.

I don't like the Barney/Robin romance at all. There is no chemistry between them, and Robin used to be all serious and beautiful, and now she's either 100% comic (to match Barney), or thoroughly miserable. Barney hasn't really changed at all, he's just a less funny version of the outrageous bachelor he was originally.…

Now I really want to make a ukelele from a vintage cuban cigar box and string.

I know! I'd sit down and have a good melodramatic cry, but it would make my mascara run, and I SIMPLY CAN'T AFFORD IT!

$24,000 REPLACING lost makeup? Am I reading that right? I don't even think I spend that much buying makeup in the first place. Do I? I'm doing the sums in my head, but it's just left me confused, and alarmed about the brevity of youth and the inevitably of death.

When I was just a baby my mama told me. Son,
Always be a good boy, don't ever mix household chemicals in a soda bottle at school.

I know :(