This story has everything.

Whoaaa

When I was 20, I was working at a bookstore and living with my boyfriend, who also worked at the same bookstore. It was a small bookstore, with only 7 employees and when the holiday party rolled around we all went to a bar in Montouk and proceeded to get ripped. I had lost track of my boyfriend and started to make out…

I feel kind of weird, because I am pretty awesome at awkward and dumb hookups, but none during the holidays apparently.

I think next year I’ll go even further and do one of those dreaded “YEAR IN REVIEW” newsletters, only none of it will be true, it will all be shit that they *think* we do since we are obvious pieces of shit that probably sacrifice animals to Satan and whatnot.

Same! I’ll be like, “DAMN, that woman has GOT to be a model!” and he’s busy looking at a tree like, “think I could climb that?!” I find it oddly comforting too.

Nothing worse than when a partner SETS THEMSELVES A CHALLENGE! If you fake it to get him* to stop, he’ll think he’s doing good, and probably brag about how much better at the sex he is than your previous partners. If you don’t, he’ll get frustrated and start to feel like you’re witholding something from him.
*I’m going…

YES ORAL PLUS FINGERS EQUALS AMAZING ORGASMS. Like shit goes numb after and I need some recoup time after amazing. And then I will basically do whatever he wants because DAMN SON THAT WAS AAHHHHMAAAAZZZZIIIINNNNNGGGGG!

just not possible to generate enough friction with the power of a human tongue.

Thanks, no. That is why when a woman tells you oral doesn’t do it for her and is very sure about it, you don’t insist on doing it anyway because you think you’re special.

Tedious! Exactly the word. There’s nothing for me to do, see, touch but the back of his head. Not getting much excitement from that.

Ugh, me too. I find myself way too worried about how long it’s taking and whether or not the guy is enjoying or hating it. And then I get mad at myself for prioritizing his comfort over my enjoyment. And both of these things absolutely kill my ability to orgasm.

Or sticking tongue in the holes. Dude. Why do you think your tongue is going to get that job done? Focus on the clit.

I’ve heard that and tried a whole slew of different strains. Some make me fall asleep faster, but it’s all the same path. It’s OK though. My mind keeps me awake, so it’s a nice way to turn off my brain when I need to sleep.

Dan Savage would suggest weed for that relaxation thing.

I hope she just literally peed on him because he’s the worst.

We could call it a “hand tiara!” Then I’d feel a little better about it. But I bet she has teeny tiny hands and a ring that busy would just look stupid on her tiny paws.

Thats headaches, not blowies.

This only happened to me once, I was pregnant at the time. When he came and filled my mouth, it triggered a really nasty gag reflex. Up came my last meal along with his contribution, all over both of us. He immediately picked me up and carried me to the bathroom and tried to take care of me. I was screaming to get the…

It’s time to try...