Nobody really knows about the Vegas shooter. It was all swept under the rug. The Vegas police called a press conference carried live on cable networks, only to announce that victims could put in claims for property that was seized in the investigation and there would be no further questions. It was truly bizarre.

The Ray Lewis one gives off the perfect amount of smug, "Just got away with murder", God is great vibes.

It's too bad this didn't come out in 2009. Ben Stiller would've been a great addition.

Upon hearing that a Cyborg had been fired, Andrew Yang breathed a sigh of relief and decided to put off strangling his toaster oven until next week.

A unicorn, Bigfoot and Jesus. All four of them exist. My Uncle who invented the Hoverboard in 1984 plays poker with them on Thursdays.

Negative consequences, like:

Plastic? Pfft. I’ve been eating hot dogs since 1989 and you think I’m scared of plastic?

Ok. She may be An Old, but in my book, she's definitely One Of The Good Ones. She won't be blasted into space when I get elected.

I’m 99% sure that only applies to actual coaches.

“Broke”...?

Bitten them in the ass how? Gerrymandering and the Electoral College have them pretty firmly in control.

The first of that group, Brandon Pettigrew, was a lingering case of herpes.

ESPN's partnership with WWE will probably prevent that. The "war" has already led to several petty shots.

Hopefully, when she tries to find work following this, she'll be banned for possessing XY chromosomes.

This whole story is just an inconvenient truth.

I hope his next call is to CBS. If anybody can save their sitcom lineup, it's him.

Alec makes an ass of himself every week on Saturday Night Live. She learned it from YOU, DAD.

He just doesn’t want us to know about the cutting-edge Lazar technology.

That polymer sounds good but I heard the windshield wipers on the lower half of her face keep shorting out.

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to become a crazy asshole anti-vaxxer.