I’m just mad that Conan ended up getting them tall boys instead of forties in the end. White boy just doesn’t understand.

This sounds so sweet and loving. Thanks for sharing it. :D

My mother sent me that poem a few years ago after I was ranting to her about the self-indulgent excess of so much contemporary verse and it singlehandedly gave me a whole new appreciation of the genre. Thanks for posting it. :)

So glad I’m not the only one. I was wondering how high-as-fuck you have to be to hype Chipotle on Twitter with a picture of a cheese platter.

I require more information about this alleged ceiling-dweller.

Even when matched up with the big names, HH still ends up serving the takeaway lines. "What doesn't kale you..."

"Just yoouuuu know whyyyy..."

To begin: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read the menu! 90% of your questions can be answered with the menu. You want to know if a ham footlong is still five dollars? Its price is listed on the menu. How much do our drinks cost? There's a whole "Sides" menu panel with everything you ever wanted to know about that. How much do…

Sounds like a n00b was working. All our new hires stress about things like pickle application and proper bread-cutting protocol for a couple weeks until they lock it in and then they either get fast or they quit. Ideally you should be able to get through an average one-sandwich order in a minute to a minute-and-a-half…

We dose the marinara sauce with powdered Xanax.

You monster.

The Look is part of the standard training repertoire at our shop.

Welcome to the transcendent genius of Subway's marketing division. I would rather have deeply ennobling and enlightening conversations with a bag of hammers than talk to these people.

Ran into copyright issues, no doubt. Don't fuck with Godzilla's trademarks.

At my shop we call them Flatzillas. Or Flat Lizas, after one memorable misappellation on the part of one of our customers.

Subway employee here. We all hate these things with a passion, the owner included. They make us almost no money, they gobble up inventory and some benighted idiot always comes and orders 4 of the little fuckers during a lunch rush - oh yeah, they take like three times as long to make as an average six-inch.

Oh yeah, I was totally agreeing with you. Just that there were some people in these comments who were just ragging on Subway employees like we're the lowest of the low.

You deserve a RunByFruiting award for introducing this gif into my life.

Fellow line worker here (Subway, not Burger King). You have my raised fist of solidarity.

At the Subway where I work, you're responsible for any shortfall that you get when you count the drawer at the end of your shift. Ostensibly, the person behind the counter should be in total control of how much money is going in or out of the drawer, but in practice, a scam artist could probably fuck us over pretty…